Posted in My Little Pony

My Little Pony: Crunch the Rock Dog (S01E43-44)

My Little Pony (Gen 1)
My Little Pony (Gen 1)

Title: Crunch the Rock Dog (Parts 1-2)

Summary: A vicious dog carved from rock charges through Ponyland, turning everything it encounters to stone. But not, sadly, Megan and/or Danny. Sigh.

Initial Thoughts:

My Little Pony: The Epic Recap SeriesI have no recollection of this story at all. My only thought is: WHO THE HELL THINKS 50 EPISODES PER SEASON IS A GOOD IDEA?

At least bat and I only have two more stories to recap (four episodes total) until we get to the end of season 1. That’s exciting. And bat has promised me that Rainbow Brite will be more fun. [bat: At minimum, the Rainbow Brite animation is so much better our eyeballs will no longer bleed.]

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Posted in My Little Pony

My Little Pony: Baby, It’s Cold Outside (S01E41-42)

My Little Pony (Gen 1)
My Little Pony (Gen 1)

Title: Baby, It’s Cold Outside (Episodes 1-2)

Summary: Climate change has finally hit Dream Valley! [Dove: “Fake news!” says Megan.] Er, Ponyland? Where ever the hell this cartoon takes place. And, oh wait, it’s not actually climate changing. It’s the work of an evil… penguin? Well, I’ve lived to see dolphins take over Springfield; I guess a maniacal penguin king destroying the Ponies with magic blizzards isn’t that much of a stretch.

Grade: F+

Initial Thoughts:

;pwegwpaffebryku;nbbnprbnwpnphwf;avms’a;kdsg;sndg;wn;ynsseradvwwqghh.

My Little Pony: The Epic Recap SeriesTranslation of the above: WELCOME AGAIN TO THIS NIGHTMARE CARTOON HELL. Yes, I’m back again, so soon after that very special after-school episode starring Spike. I’m really unhappy to have to write another recap so soon — that last one was absolutely shite and taxed me greatly — but this recap puts us less than four episodes away from the completion of Season 1. Seriously, if Dove and I were in the same country, we’d probably drink in celebration. I suppose the fact we’re separated by the Atlantic ocean and several time zones won’t stop us from drinking in celebration, it would just be more fun it we were together. [Dove: Agreed. And there would be drink!]

Really, honestly, we have this series set up and divided equally so we finish this freaking nightmare by the end of 2019. Can you see it, Dove? THE END IS ALMOST IN SIGHT. [Dove: I knew we were finishing season 1 soon, I didn’t realise we’d finish the whole show before the end of the year. I feel better. Then a bit worse, because there are more MLP shows neither of us know anything about, but have agreed to torture ourselves with.]

I think we have stopped caring about the grading. These are all poorly written episodes and the plot lines are hackneyed and it’s become clear that everyone was “omg how are we going to fill these last four slots on the board?? TODD WRITE US SOMETHING, STAT!” because, truly, Dove and I could write better fanfic than what’s being churned out in these scripts. (No, I am not going to write MLP fanfic. Ask Dove for hers.) [Dove: We did briefly consider trying to rewrite series 1 so that there would be some plot, that magic rules were consistent, and the characters actually had, y’know, character, but we quickly realised we’d be deleting all but the first three entries of the show (movie, Catrina, Nightmare/Midnight Castle). Ain’t nobody got time for that.]

Glancing at the plot summary, this sounds almost like some sort of rip off of the Care Bears’ 1984 television special. Which I know I’ve watched, maybe not in two decades, but you can damn well be sure the Care Bears were something I loved at the age of 3. There also might be a bit of Snow Miser mixed in but those Rankin/Bass specials have always upset something in my brain so I am far less familiar with The Year Without a Santa Claus. (I hate that one with the big-eared Baby New Year.)

Okay let’s just get this crap over with. Then I get a nice long break until mid-July, when my final recap of Season 1 will go up. I’m so excited about Season 1 being finished. I want a goddamn participation ribbon for making it all the way through. [Dove: What we could do is go through our collections, list duplicates and have a swapsies if anything seems suitable? That would be like a prize for dealing with this nonsense.]

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Posted in My Little Pony

My Little Pony: Woe is Me – Parts 1-2 (S01E36-37)

My Little Pony (Gen 1)
My Little Pony (Gen 1)

Title: Woe is Me [Dove: So. Fucking. True.]

Summary: A hobo with horrible luck takes shelter with the Ponies. Disaster and destruction of various play sets follows. Buy our merch so your little brother can destroy it, says Hasbro.

Grade: D+

Initial Thoughts:

I’m back! I mean, did I ever really leave? No, I just got a break from this utter nonsense. Turned a year older, clearly not all that wiser, since I’ve returned with another recap of a very stupid episode — actually, it’s probably easier to list the decent episode(s?) of MLP instead of the stupid, since the stupid ones are a dime a dozen — and Game of Thrones is on its way out the door into history so I need a distraction from all that.

My Little Pony: The Epic Recap SeriesThis episode is one I have vague memories of, in that I remember the… would you even call it a “guest star”, I mean it’s clearly the “insert character of the week” who shows up so the Ponies have something to do / solve / torture. Just like in the giant random puppy episode, there is no Megan in this installment, so the Ponies have to use their tiny brains and think for themselves how to get out of this mess. No white girl savior tropes this week!

Shall I repeat that? THERE IS NO STUPID MEGAN THIS WEEK WHICH IS A GIFT TO ME!!

Better get into this before I get entirely too happy over that turn of events, because you know nature abhors a vacuum, thus something will fill that vapid hole where Megan is missing…

[Dove: I never thought about it until you mentioned it, but how unimaginative must the writers be if the basic plot of the unverse is: “There are multicoloured ponies living in a magic land, some do magic, some fly, some don’t. Run with it.” And their first act is “Welp. Let’s get a human. And if she’s not around, we’d better write in extra characters, because otherwise, WE HAVE NO PLOT.”]

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Posted in My Little Pony

My Little Pony: The Magic Coins – Parts 3-4 (S01E33-34)

My Little Pony (Gen 1)
My Little Pony (Gen 1)

Title: The Magic Coins (Parts 3-4)

Summary: The baby Sea Ponies find a chest full of coins that turn out to grant wishes. They start out harmlessly, by wishing for food and a gigantic bubble (MLP means never having to give context… it won’t help), but then our favourite spoiled brat, Baby Lickety-Split, wishes for it to never rain ever again. And Ponyland dries up. Sadly, the lack of ponds for the (apparently fresh water) “sea” ponies doesn’t stop them SHOO-BE-DOO-ing at everyone.

While they still have coins left to make wishes on, there is a new mechanic in place which means the picture on the coin has to match the wish. Oddly, this wasn’t in place when Baby Lickety-Split made the world-destroying wish. So Team Good Guy have to find Niblick, a troll who apparently owns the coins, to set things right. On their way, they meet an irritation in humanoid form, named Puck.

They find Niblick tormenting a prince and taking his crown as payment for crossing a bridge, and the idiotic Team Good can’t see any harm in blurting out they’ve spent all of his magic coins. The episode ends with him pulling up the drawbridge, leaving Team Good clinging to the edge of it by their fingertips. (Honestly not sure why they didn’t just slide down it, but y’know, TENSION.)

Initial Thoughts:

My Little Pony: The Epic Recap SeriesI seem to remember this as being one of the better episodes, though my brain led me to believe that there would be more wishes and more going wrong, so I think once again, we’re at “pretty good concept, pretty terrible execution”. But who knows? These final two episodes might change my mind. It seems unlikely.

I realised as I started this recap that we only have 9 stories to go (18 episodes) in Season 1. I got very excited about this. It feels like we’re finally getting somewhere. 50 episodes is a lot. And that’s just season 1. Despite the loathing for the plotting in most cases, and Megan in every case, I’m still really enjoying working with bat on this. (In other news, I grew up in an emotionally manipulative household, and the previous statement could well be my way of saying, “bat, please don’t leave me alone with MLP.”) [bat: I’m not leaving. I’m in this for the long haul, with you, Dove!]

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Posted in My Little Pony

My Little Pony: The Magic Coins – Parts 1-2 (S01E31-32)

My Little Pony (Gen 1)
My Little Pony (Gen 1)

Title: The Magic Coins – Parts 1-2

Summary: Those crafty Baby Sea Ponies give the …land?… Ponies a chest full of cursed magic coins which grant the Ponies wishes! But, without much explanation, the magic comes at a cost. This is basically the plot of Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl but… without… pirates and Johnny Depp. Oh, no it isn’t. Unless that’s Johnny Depp voicing the Moochick?

Grade: C

Initial Thoughts:

This will be fun!“, we said. “Look how much fun we’ll have reliving our favorite childhood cartoon!” WE FUCKING LIED TO OURSELVES, PEOPLE. DOVE AND I HAD NO IDEA WE’D END UP IN A CANDY-COLOURED CARTOON HELLSCAPE FULL OF TALKING PONIES LED BY A WHITE GIRL SAVIOR TROPE. [Dove: We chose this. Why would we do that?]

My Little Pony: The Epic Recap SeriesHello and welcome back to yet another installment of sheer torture My Little Pony and Friends, the 80s cartoon that did not deserve 50 episodes for a first season but my god, it was so popular in 1986, that’s what it got. I’m pretty sure that last entry gave me some brain damage (probably that and the antibiotics, ugh) and coupled with the fact that the way we planned this out (to equalize our suffering) it’s my turn for the back-to-back-to-nearly-back recap run. Literally anything that follows that goddamn nightmare of imagination games has to be better, right?

Probably not. This is My Little Pony for cripes sake, a show with no show bible, where magic has zero rules, Ponies can’t save themselves from anything, and rely on a human to do all their thinking and there’s so many villains who want to “rule” Pony Land for… pick a reason. It won’t matter. Megan always wins. [Dove: ♫ Evil may be powerful, but Megan always wins]

I always confuse The Magic Coins for the Golden Horseshoes for some stupid reason (the titles aren’t even remotely similar?) so at first I was excited then remembered I was thinking of the wrong episode arc. Oh well. I’M JUST GOING TO SPOIL THIS NOW: THIS IS THE LAST TIME WE EVER SEE MOLLY. SHE IS GONE FROM THE SERIES AFTER THESE FOUR EPISODES! (Sorry, Dove, for stealing that. But it just made me so happy. It’s given me reason to get through this recap!) [Dove: That’s not spoilers. That’s on par with “Hey, Dove, did you know it’s Christmas (or any other enjoyable day in the year that comes with a day off work) tomorrow?” That is excellent news that needs to be shared.] [bat: HEY DOVE, HAPPY CHRISTMAS! IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY!]

No more of Molly’s redundant anxiety and whinging. This is a gift. It’s not Megan but I’ll take it.

Anyway, I’ll just get on to recapping this. It’s that or go back to watching Annie. The 1982 version. Which is terrible. But Tim Curry! (TBH, that film is so over-produced, it’s ridiculous. And the bridge chase at the end still upsets me; it terrified me as a child, so some of that is residual. But, and 37-year-old-spoilers ahoy, the fact that they’re trying to throw Annie in the river so she’ll drown is almost so fitting for an 80s movie, since those “children/family” films scarred the crap out of my generation.) [Dove: Pretty much everyone I know was traumatised by Return to Oz. I was traumatised by some random anime (I don’t remember the name) where a bunch of birds killed a little boy by pecking his head. He then turned into an old man telling a story and both old him and the little boy died. Or something. I was very confused and upset over it for days.]

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Posted in My Little Pony

My Little Pony: The End of Flutter Valley – Parts 3-4 (S01E03-4)

The End of Flutter Valley (G1 Cover)
The End of Flutter Valley (G1 Cover)
The End of Flutter Valley (G2 Cover... why?)
The End of Flutter Valley (G2 Cover… why?)

Title: The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 3-4)

Summary: That great maguffin aka the Sun Stone has been stolen by Queen Bumble and her Bees, putting Flutter Valley in dire straights. The witches are on the verge of claiming their new territory, the Flutter Ponies are captured (and recaptured, in Morning Glory’s case), and the Ponies somehow manage to stumble into Furbobia, where Baby Cuddles gets steamed.

Grade: This will be given when Dove and I finally reach the end of this 10 part epic.

Recap:

You have now reached episodes 3-4 of this harrowing 10 part, 2 hour struggle through this Flutter Vally-centric nightmare. I don’t know; I’m pretty sure Flutter Valley was covered in the major motion picture that had been released three freaking months prior to the cartoon’s debut, but Hasbro gotta make that merch money! Anyway, Dove will cover Parts 5-6 in the next batch recap.

 

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Posted in My Little Pony

My Little Pony: The End of Flutter Valley – Parts 1-2 (S01E01-2)

The End of Flutter Valley (G1 Cover)
The End of Flutter Valley (G1 Cover)
The End of Flutter Valley (G2 Cover... why?)
The End of Flutter Valley (G2 Cover… why?)

Title: The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 1-2)

Summary: The ponies are on their way to Flutter Valley for the Sun Tuesday celebration with the Flutter Ponies. Meanwhile, the Witches from the Volcano of Gloom are busy hatching a plan to destroy Flutter Valley and the ponies, allying with an army of giant bees to get their revenge on the Flutter Ponies. The bees steal the precious Sun Stone, and if the Flutter Ponies can’t get it back, their home will be destroyed.

Grade: This will be given when bat and I finally reach the end of this 10 part epic. *sigh*

Recap:

Just so you know, instead of running around like headless chickens and trying to recap 2 hours’ worth of episodes between the two of us in a single post, we have decided to do this in two-episode batches, so bat’s recap will cover Parts 3-4.

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