Nostalgic Bookshelf

Snarky recaps of nostalgic media, including Making Out, Baywatch, Blyton and Baby-Sitter's Club
28
May 2018

Sweet Valley Twins #50: Jessica and the Secret Star, by Francine Pascal

Title: Jessica and the Secret Star

Tagline: What’s the new girl hiding? [Raven: A cock?] [Dove: That she’s been there all along and the Wakefield twins are just really fucking unobservant?]

Summary: Maria Slater has been an actress since she was three years old, but now that she’s twelve she can’t find any work. So Maria hopes to forget her past and start life again at Sweet Valley Middle School, where she can play the role she has always wanted: the typical sixth-grader.

But for Maria, being typical becomes harder and harder, especially when Jessica Wakefield discovers Maria’s secret past Everyone wants to be friends with a movie star, but will anyone want to be friends with plain old Maria?

Initial Thoughts:

HOLY FUCK JESSICA’S HAND IS FUCKING HUGE.

Also, there’s a black girl in Sweet Valley. Unexpected. I can’t see this ending well.

READ AT SWEET VALLEY.ONLINE

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22
Mar 2018
Dungeons & Dragons Series 1 Episode 2

Dungeons & Dragons (TV Series 1983–1985)

Title: The Eye of the Behoder

Summary: Led by a cowardly knight named Sir John, the children must seek and destroy an evil monster known as The Beholder to find a gateway back to their own world.

Initial Thoughts:

Oooh, exciting! The Beholder is a classic DnD monster. For those not in the know, it’s basically a massive eyeball and chompy mouth with snakey tentacles coming off it. Here’s a classic image:

Dungeons & Dragons Series 1 Episode 2: Beholder

Kang.

Pretty much a hulked-out Mike Wazowski.

I’m sure that the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon series will show this stellar enemy in a rightfully respectful light.

I HATE THIS SERIES.

[Dove: I love this series. And even I want to kick the writers quite often.]

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24
Jan 2018

Dungeons & Dragons Series 1 Episode 1Title: The Night of No Tomorrow

Summary: Tricked by Venger, Presto conjures up a horde of fire-breathing dragons to threaten the town of Helix. The kids must rescue Presto and save Helix before it is too late.

Initial Thoughts:

Looks like it’s all kicking off big tie for our plucky heroes. Will they all survive?

I bloody hope so. It’s episode one of twenty-seven. It’d be rather shit if the remaining twenty-six episodes were nothing but twenty-minute montages of Venger dancing on six adolescent graves.

[Dove: That would be epic.] [Wing: I’d watch it. Also, that cover is AMAZING.]

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15
Jan 2018
Sweet Valley Twins 38: Lois Strikes Back by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins 38: Lois Strikes Back by Jamie Suzanne

Title: Lois Strikes Back

Tagline: Has Bruce gone too far?

Summary: Winner takes all…

Lois Waller has always been too shy about being overweight to join in school activities. When the Sweet Valley PTA decides to have a bike-a-thon, Lois finds the courage to take part. It’s a chance for her to win a brand-new mountain bike—and it’s the perfect opportunity to put snobby Bruce Patman in his place.

Everyone at Sweet Valley Middle School knows how much Bruce bullies Lois. Although Jessica Wakefield thinks that anything Bruce does is perfect, her twin sister Elizabeth disagrees and is on Lois’s side. Elizabeth thinks Lois has a good shot at winning. But she doesn’t know how far Bruce Patman will go to see Lois lose!

 

READ AT SWEET VALLEY.ONLINE

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