Nostalgic Bookshelf

Snarky recaps of nostalgic media, including Making Out, Baywatch, Blyton and Baby-Sitter's Club
25
Sep 2018
My Little Pony (Gen 1)

My Little Pony (Gen 1)

Title: The Ghost of Paradise Estate (Parts 1-2)

Summary: The Ponies finally remember that, hey, The Moochick gave us a wonderful play set of condos named Paradise Estate! We better move into them! (Dream Castle who?) But, of course, because this is Ponyland, there’s a ghost haunting Paradise Estate and that ghost wants the Ponies OUT. But when is anything ever as it seems in Ponyland? And what should be a simple fix is never the case! (Magical powers? How don’t those work!)

Grade: D

Initial Thoughts:

Hello and welcome back, that is if you’ve actually decided to return after the nightmare that was The End of Flutter Valley, the never-ending saga that kicked off this series of G1 MLP cartoon recaps by Dove and I. THANKFULLY Flutter Valley has been “saved” (boo, hiss) and we’ve moved on to… well, just as stupid things. This is the My Little Pony cartoon series. Don’t set your bar too high. But no more Flutter Valley. I think?

I just want to point out that, unconsciously, we somehow manged to near-sync this recap with the original air dates! Which were September 29 & 30 and October 1 & 2, 1986. Yeah, it’s super weird and entirely unintentional. Can’t say this will happen for the next batch but hey, celebrate when you can, amirite?

Thus begins the “spooky” 4-parter, The Ghost of Paradise Estate! (BUY OUR MERCH!) Let’s jump right in, shall we?

Recap:

Part 1

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

GENERIC BABY SHED WITH PLAID BOW

The Ponies, along with Megan, her younger brother Danny, and little sister Molly, are painting the exterior of Paradise Estate. They are also painting the inside of the what-really-isn’t-the Lullabye Nursery, because someone forgot how to draw the exterior properly or they just thought a giant odd-shaped building that vaguely resembled said play set would be fine. Baby Lofty floats/hovers (?) to paint the ceiling tiles bright pink, because gray squares are drab, and Baby Heartthrob is painting giant blobby pink flowers on the ombre yellow/coral/pink walls.

Firstly: HOW ARE THE BABY PONIES PAINTING? Secondly:  WHY ARE THEY AS BIG AS ADULT PONIES SUDDENLY? Continuity? Size reference? WHAT ARE THOSE? [Dove: Why are they so disorganised? Lofty is painting the middle of the ceiling, the kids are paining one area, Hearthrob is painting another, just do whole sections before doing the details. Sigh.]

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

Here’s a visual reference for how I feel about being tangled up in these episodes.

Baby Lofty crashes into a pony mobile hanging from the ceiling (which, based on the failed standard measurements system in play, is hanging from a 12′ ceiling, so it makes ZERO SENSE) and instantly becomes tangled up, before crashing to the floor. “I crash-ted, Megan!” Oh god no, not the stupid baby talk again!

Megan checks to see if she’s unhurt before cleaning the paint off with ease. Must be water-based. Molly announces they’re finished and suddenly all the baby Ponies are properly Baby Pony-sized again. Yikes. My head hurts already. [Dove: Their goal was to simply paint a pink stripe in the ceiling?]

Telling the Baby Ponies they can all sleep with them in Paradise Estate (??) (paint fumes?) Megan leads the Baby Ponies and Molly off to clean up. But that doesn’t matter, because it’s suddenly night and ominous music tells us SOMETHING BAD IS COMING.

(Here’s where I point out that the Moochick is responsible for giving the Ponies Paradise Estate. Did any of you remember that? Didn’t think so. It was from the feature film.)

A stiff breeze is blowing through the open window, ruffling the curtains. (Dear lord, help me, more curtains!? Did none of the Little Ponies ever watch Friday the 13th and its numerous installments??? KEEPING WINDOWS SHUT AND CURTAINS CLOSED IS AN IMPORTANT SURVIVAL TACTIC!)

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

Paging Dr Spengler, Dr Egon Spengler!

Out from under the bed, a ghostly four-fingered hand pulls the blanket down, leaving Baby Heartthrob shivering. Now the blanket flies into the air, which wakes Baby Heartthrob enough so she looks up, to see a huge blobby ghost hovering underneath the blanket. In a deep demonic voice the ghost makes some kind of weird ghost noise. Okay. What, have we stumbled into an episode of The Real Ghostbusters suddenly? Is Slimer about to turn up?

Panicking, Baby Heartthrob squeezes underneath her bed, announcing she’s scared, before she flies across the room to wake the rest of the Baby Ponies sharing that room. Baby Sundance and Baby Lickety-Split are snoring and snoozing, and don’t quite believe Baby Heartthrob when she tells them there’s a ghost in their room. Baby Lickety-Split goes so far as to denounce it as a bad dream, before she rolls over and goes back to sleep.

Baby Heartthrob decides to go straight to the top and flies out of the room to get Megan!

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

Not sure how a baby Pony can contort herself that way.

Meanwhile, the blanket from her bed lifts off from the floor once more, the ghostly-shaped blob making that same terrible demonic roar, which scares Baby Lickety-Split awake. Baby Sundance also wakes up enough to become alarmed, as the ghost blob flies around the room, freaking out all the Baby Ponies in the room. Chaos ensues, as well as some terrible animation.

Megan, and Molly, are sitting in straight back uncomfortable looking chairs, reading. We hear Baby Heartthrob calling for Megan before we smash cut back to the Baby Ponies’ room, where the ghost blob (which looks like it has wings…?) is chasing after the Baby Ponies as they attempt to flee the bedroom. But before they can escape, the ghost blob zooms in front and slams the door shut, cutting off their exit.

A magic black swirl and the ghost becomes a huge black vampire bat. (Okay, I’m here for this.)

Several Baby Ponies hide under their blankets, while others try to hide beside/underneath the bed frames. Baby Loft, entangled in her blanket, frees herself only to be chased around by the vampire bat. Baby Shady looks utterly scandalized by this turn of events. [Dove: So scandalised that she’s turned red. She’s supposed to be hot pink.]

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

I GUESS YOU’RE JUST SUPPOSED TO IMAGINE THE BEDS ARE THERE??

Five of the Baby Ponies huddle in a corner as the vampire bat closes in. Baby Sundance, ever defiant, demands that the ghost can’t scare them. Baby Lickety-Split disagrees. Leaping from the pile, Baby Sundance leaps from… what the fuck… invisible bed to invisible bed??! WHO FAILED TO PAINT IN THE BEDS?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? [Dove: Discontinuity award?] [bat: Yep. The biggest one we’ve ever given.]

Wow. I don’t know what to say. I’m utterly thrown.

Baby Sundance grabs (er, with her mouth) a pillow and throws it at the bat, just as it swoops towards her. But the bat is not an average bat; it catches the pillow and throws it back, forcing Baby Sundance to dodge it! What kind of terrible pillow fight is this? No really, because next thing we know, Baby Lickety-Split is demanding the ghost leave and also picking up a pillow in her mouth to throw at the bat.

Instead of catching it, the bat turns back into its less-solid ghostly form, which boomerangs the pillow back at Baby Lickety-Split. Okay. Now all the Baby Ponies are tossing pillows at it, which it is dodging, before the ghost turns itself into a circle-shape and rolls at the Baby Ponies.

This is just weird.

Meanwhile, Megan and Molly are taking a fucking leisurely stroll down the hall, in spite of Baby Heartthrob begging them to hurry. Megan sounds utterly pissed that Baby Heartthrob came to get her in the middle of the night. Geez, what kind of savior of Pony-Kind are you, Megan??

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

Baby Lofty to the rescue! Wait a minute…

Opening the door and turning on the light, all Megan, Baby Heartthrob (even though she’s suddenly turned yellow and is CLEARLY BABY LOFTY), and Molly (wearing the weirdest looking footie pyjammas with major camel toe) [Dove: Molly has never skipped leg day at the gym either.] see is a bunch of feathers flying about from the thrown pillows and the Baby Ponies all over the room. No ghost. Ghost has disappeared.

This is the equivalent of tossing liquor on someone to pretend they’re drunk when they’re trying to tell the truth.

All the Baby Ponies have the sense to look shocked when Baby Lofty magically turns into Baby Heartthrob. Megan wants to know what the hell is going on and Baby Gusty announces there was a ghost. Molly gets wide-eyed and instantly scared. Megan, on the other hand, has her arms crossed and a snotty angry expression. “Looks more like a pillow fight to me!” she pronounces.

Megan shuts the window, telling everyone to get back to bed, there’s only Baby Ponies in this room. Because there is zero regard for continuity in this series, all the Babies are suddenly in their beds and tucked in without ever being shown getting into said beds. Ugh.

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

Not only are her fingers supernaturally long, I’ve given Molly six of them!

Though they try, the Baby Ponies fail to convince Megan. Instead of being an adult, Megan offers Molly the chance to stay in the Baby Ponies’ room, so they’ll shut up and go to sleep. Molly agrees to (wagging an extremely long finger, what the hell, is she part aye-aye?? Human children do not have fingers that long, or boneless for that matter!) and the Baby Ponies agree to go right to bed.

Baby Cuddles is still uncertain so Megan decides the best way to deal with this is to say “there are no such things as ghosts!” and SING A FUCKING SONG ABOUT IT.

(Sadly, no one has posted just the damn song, “It’s All In Your Imagination” on YT. So here, here’s the whole goddamn episode. Skip to the 4:55 mark to see the song.)

Now that Megan has cleaned up the room, tucked the Baby Ponies in, and chastised them for having imaginations, she picks one last feather from Baby Cuddles’ mane and leaves the room, shutting the door.

BUT NOW THE WINDOW IS OPEN AGAIN AND THE WIND IS BLOWING IN AND THE CURTAINS ARE FLYING ABOUT. OH HORRORS.

The winged ghost blob slides out from under Molly’s bed and flies above her, screeching and roaring. Molly is instantly awake and freaking out, awakening all the Baby Ponies yet again. GOOD JOB, MOLLY. The little blonde bimbo races from the bedroom, the Baby Ponies all following close on her heels.

Raising enough of a commotion, Molly succeeds in getting Megan (and Danny’s) attention. Molly insists there really is a ghost and she’s seen it, but Megan is all WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS I JUST TOTALLY GOT THE BABY PONIES TO SLEEP! Danny is an instant disbeliever, comparing it to the bear Molly believed lived in her closet when she was three. Nice one, Danny. So supportive. Why do you wear your baseball cap to bed?

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

Sometimes I stop on the right in-between frame. This is one of them.

Since they’re already up, Megan decides everyone can search the entire Paradise Estate to see if there’s a ghost. Um, question. WHERE ARE THE ADULT PONIES?? [Dove: Key party with the Big Brothers. The humans are babysitting.]

Every light in the building goes on as Danny and Molly argue about whether they will find the ghost. Megan remains a skeptic, opening a door, and gasping in surprise when Spike pops out with a hearty, “Boo!”

Spike thinks himself utterly hilarious but Megan chastises him, leaving Spike to walk out of the closet in full shame. The Baby Ponies insist they all keep looking, and when they find the ghost, they will politely ask it to leave. Uh huh. That didn’t work in Poltergeist, either.

Danny slams the plan as the dumbest thing he’s ever heard of, before he sets up a Rube Goldberg contraption that will “catch” the ghost. Something involving a frying pan, an egg cup with egg, and a small net with a handle. Okay. There’s also a box, with a string, and a platter with a cake on top of it. I think I know how it’s supposed to work? (Not really.)

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

Not the stupidest thing I have seen in this series, but it’s up there.

Spike doesn’t get it either so Wind Whistler sets into explaining Danny’s stupid garbage trap. It still fails to make sense, so Spike sets to “demonstrating” and picks up the cake bait, setting off the trap. Good going, Spike. Stuck in the trap, the tiny dragon begs to be set free, as Danny, Cupcake, and Ribbons laugh their butts off. Nice. [Dove: At least no-one had to fall in a river to generate this belly-laugh.]

Megan, Molly, and the Baby Ponies are still wandering around aimlessly, doing a sweep of Paradise Estate. Baby Ribbons scares herself by seeing her reflection in a giant mirror. But then she is faced with an exact clone of herself as she crosses in front of a doorway. THAT IS NO MIRROR, BABY RIBBONS.

And suddenly, because what is continuity, it’s Baby Gusty, even though it was painted exactly as Baby Ribbons half a frame ago. What the fuck?

While checking the static, background painting furniture, Baby Sundance backs into a lamp and it crashes over, plunging the room into darkness. When Megan turns on a lights witch, the Baby Ponies are all huddled in a clump in the middle of the room. Ha ha.

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

Wait… SCORPAN, IS THAT YOU?? (In your human form, of course.)

Meanwhile. Masquerade is flying in with a bucket tied to a rope, which Danny directs her to hang on a nail over a window. Okay. Apparently Danny believes water will deter the ghost. Spike inadvertently discovers Danny has already placed a bucket of water over the inner door, because it crashes down on him. Ha ha. [Dove: Have you ever seen Paranormal Activity? I’m pretty sure the idiot boyfriend got all of his brilliant ideas from this episode.]

MORNING DAWNS. Molly and Megan are exhausted, stomping through Paradise Estate, followed by the equally exhausted Baby Ponies, who keep accidentally scaring each other. Megan tries to comfort the Baby Ponies, but Molly wants to throw in the towel…

…just as the ghost appears once more, in front of Megan, terrifying EVERYONE! Megan can’t believe her eyes and starts sweating profusely. “It really IS a ghost!”

The ghost moves in closer, its face and open maw filling the screen, as it moans demonically! The screen goes black!

Part 2:

Instead of opening on, I dunno, the GHOST CONSUMING EVERYPONY, nope, we open outside. Where a grey squirrel is climbing down a tree trunk, SMILING. Even though, very pointedly, we hear the demonic howls of the ghost inside Paradise Estate.

I give up.

In another STUNNING SHOW OF DISCONTINUITY, Megan and Molly are dressed in their every day play clothes instead of, y’know, their pyjammas. Which is what they were wearing when we LEFT OFF FIVE SECONDS AGO.

I really, really give up. These writers and storyboard people are utter failures at their jobs.

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

This ghost thing has never seen a real spider, apparently. Sorry, Wing!

The ghost, which can suddenly speak English, yells something about how the Baby Ponies wanted it to come back, SO HERE IT IS, BITCHES!

My head. Ow, my head.

Megan counters that they only wanted it to return to they could tell it to fuck off but the ghost counters that Paradise Estate is ITS HOUSE, then it promptly turns into a huge spider that only has six legs.

HAS ANY OF THE ANIMATION TEAM EVER SEEN A REAL SPIDER? [Dove: I honestly don’t think they’re ever allowed out. They were grown in a lab, and then locked in a studio, and everything they animate has been described to them by a drunk with a thick accent that they’re not used to. That’s my theory, anyway.]

The ghost/spider/being demands that the Ponies & co must leave. Gingerbread dives under the couch cushions, only to pop her head out and remind the ghost/spider/being that Paradise Estate belongs to the Ponies! Suddenly Galaxy, who somehow fit in the same space as Gingerbread (??) is clapping back at the ghost/spider/being, too.

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

How they fit, we’ll never know. Poor Gingerbread.

Fun fact: I actually remember all the names of these damn Ponies without the aid of Google. 30-some years of this stuff crammed into my memories and I can still pull it up in the blink of an eye.

Danny, Spike, Wind Whistler, and Shady come banging through the door, asking what’s going on. I think the writers have completely disregarded any of the prior story line at this point.

Spike insults the ghost/spider/being by saying it looks ugly and squishy, so it turns back into its ghost form and yammers away about being THE GHOST OF PARADISE ESTATE because name checks are important.

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

Looks like the Ghost of the Smooze, right? WHICH WOULD BE FAR MORE INTERESTING THEN THIS CRAP.

Danny demands they catch the ghost! Because Danny suddenly has Megan-level authority. The ghost is all HA HA NOPE and sings a stupid song about what it could/can do to the Ponies & co.

The song, entitled the awkwardly long “I’d Get Out Fast If I Were You!”, has a line about holding the Ponies’ noses until they turn blue. Holy crap, that’s dark. There’s also an allusion to eating the Ponies in a stew. Yet again, we’re without a video clip (not that anyone would watch it) so if you do want to see it, the above video is your chance. Skip to the 10:46 mark to find it.

Basically the ghost, who displays an impressive set of powers, projects a bunch of acid trip-like images, turning itself in a shoddy pony clone to scare the Ponies. The Ponies run around in fright until they jump out the windows and run/fly away from the building. I still don’t understand why it projected a scary cave for the Ponies to run through, but I guess we’re going on what children might find spooky/scary, so yeah.

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

HEY YOU LET GO OF GUSTY’S HORN WHILE SINGING ABOUT SUFFOCATING HER

The ghost even goes outside as well (??) and stops to scare that smarmy grey squirrel (who hides.) Gusty shouts that they can catch the spook, while running after Megan, Molly, and Danny. There are suddenly hills? Yes. Hills.

Looping itself around tree limbs and trunks, the ghost moans and wails. Finally, the three humans and the twenty or so Ponies catch up to it. MEGAN YELLS ABOUT HOW SHE JUST WANTS TO TALK BECAUSE USING YOUR WORDS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU SHOULD DO WITH A EVIL SPIRIT THAT’S JUST SUNG ABOUT SUFFOCATING AND EATING YOU.

I’m sure Megan went on to become a successful hostage negotiator in Humanland.

The ghost rejoins that “ghosts don’t talk, we howl!” So there, there you go, Megan. Suddenly the trees go still, and it appears that the ghost has become stuck. Hm.

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

Pluma preaches to the multitudes, loaves and fishes to be served after.

Sure enough, the “ghost” isn’t a real ghost, but a SHAPESHIFTER. Pluma, the Penma, a “magical creature” (is there any other kind in Ponyville?) asks for help then frees herself easily (??) before settling on her long stork legs on a branch over the Ponies. Galaxy is all, wait, not a spirit? Pluma informs them that no, she is not, and that Dream Valley was once her home. She’s returned from exile in a land far, far away.

Then the Ponies make a fatal mistake, revealing everyone is out of Paradise Estate. Pluma, pulling on a poorly-concealed rope, drops a GIANT NET over the Ponies, Megan, Danny, and Molly.

BECAUSE THERE’S ALWAYS A NET.

But it’s not any ordinary net! Even though it fucking falls from above and spreads out atop the Ponies and the human children, it somehow scoops them up and raises them into the air, when Pluma kicks a big fucking rock that’s tied to the ends of the ropes on the nets.

I guess children aren’t going to question how anything works, that’s how this slides through.

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

Fizzy thinks we should all chill and smoke another blunt, this too shall pass.

Anyway, the nets look about as effective as they did when Queen Bumble used them. Gingerbread thinks it’s a practical joke but Megan assures her it isn’t. At least Megan is more realistic in this episode?

Pluma reveals that Squirk (oh just wait until you meet him!) forced her to… psychologically torment the Ponies out of Paradise Estates. Ooo!! Is this our first flashback?? (No, no it isn’t, I forgot that one in Escape From Catrina.)

Back when this extremely hilly valley (??) was ancient and covered with water, some ten thousand, no, twenty hundred, whatever years ago, Squirk ruled with an iron tentacle.

Yes, Squirk is a mutant, anthropomorphic octopus/squid creature with six legs (because yet again the animators have never looked at an actual octopus or squid) and he also is a ginger with a mohawk. Okay.

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

AND I RAN, I RAN SO FAR AWAY

As Pluma tells it, Squirk was an asshole who didn’t allow anyone to speak against him. The strange starfish people begging and groveling on their knees in front of Squirk depicts this. Supposedly Squirk controls everything through a POWERFUL MAGICAL AMULET called the FLASHSTONE (hm, let me guess, the writers watched The Secret of NIMH while eating Chinese takeaway and thought, hey, it’s been four years since that Don Bluth animated feature, none of these kids will remember that had a “magical amulet” in it!) which he can zap other sea creatures with. Sure. Why not.

Like any sadistic ruler, Squirk has a sidekick, a purple lobster with a big bushy ‘stache, who he literally smacks around. His name is Crank. Because they’ve started to fail in the naming department.

Pluma goes on to say that time passed and the water evaporated and drained through all that lush green land “mysteriously” (uh huh) so this gave rise to other invasive species showing up in Dream Valley. Namely a flock of Penma, led by Pluma’s grandfather. If I’m not mistaken, and Google isn’t a lot of help, Pluma’s grandfather is named Ruff. Wow. First Crank, now Ruff. Putting in a lot of effort here.

So Squirk is a shitty neighbor, showing up on the beach and firing the FLASHSTONE at the Penma tribe. I love that Crank just hangs out underneath and between Squirk’s tentacles. I guess a beak isn’t really involved, since Squirk has a humanoid mouth.

Look, Ruff has a fabulous looking rock around his neck, too! WHAT IS WITH THIS SERIES AND MAGICAL STONES??

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

Time to return this to its rightful owner, Mrs Brisby!

Ruff isn’t having Squirk’s nonsense, so he shapeshifts into his ghost form and swirls himself around Squirk and Crank until Squirk is back in the water. Then he turns into some kind of purple vortex or tornado and steals the FLASHSTONE from Squirk.

Flying to a convenient nearby cliff, Ruff smashes the FLASHSTONE into a helpful boulder, breaking it in half. Picking the halves up in his talons, Ruff throws one half into the deepest part of the river, then pitches the other half into Dream Valley.

WHY DID HE THINK THROWING PART OF THE FLASHSTONE INTO WATER WAS A GOOD IDEA? SQUIRK IS A WATER CREATURE.

But apparently, because the plot says so, Squirk can never go to Dream Valley, so that half was safe? Well, until now, obviously, since Pluma is here.

Squirk’s really excellent plan was to wait until Ruff was old and decrepit, then use him as leverage and force Pluma to destroy Paradise Estate and steal back the FLASHSTONE half. There. I had to sit through twenty minutes of this crap before that was revealed as the plan.

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

It’s like using an magnifying glass on ants.

Pluma cries and apologizes to the Little Ponies, as she flies away, to do something she has no choice in. Um. You could have just explained this bullshit story to the Ponies, got them to help you because they’re nothing if not helpful (sort of) but no. Nope. Pluma leaves them all contained in those ridiculous nets, wondering what they’re going to do.

Transforming her torso and legs into a giant domed mirror, Pluma uses the sun (AGAIN WITH THE SUN, ARGH) to… well, it’s not exactly burning down Paradise Estate. I don’t know what the hell is supposed to happen.

Back with the Ponies, Shady is trying to bite through the ropes. Megan is moaning and groaning as she tries to pull the weave apart and slip through but she’s not strong enough. Then it occurs to Megan that, HEY PONY MAGIC. She asks if one of the unicorns has the ability to teleport.

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

When your self-tanner is applied a little too strongly to your face and not your arms/hands…

Galaxy, who’s becoming about as much of an annoying know-it-all prat as Wind Whistler, says ponies cannot “wink out” unless they’re in unrestricted space. A net is too much of a container. Huh? Also: where did Fizzy’s body go?

Megan wails they’ll never get free of the nets. Someone better think of something quick, because Pluma is starting to buckle the earth under Paradise Estate!

Buttons comes to and remembers she might have a magical ability to help them out of their captivity! Her horn gets a magical glow and she slowly works to untie the knots in the ropes tied around the giant boulder. Instead of using her magic to undo all the knots at once, she undoes the one holding her net, then gallops over to untie the other two with her mouth.

WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE MAGIC ABILITIES?? [Dove: You know what would be a useful unicorn ability? Fire. Just a little smoulder to burn through the ropes. Because, as bat says, there’s always a net. I think they should actually have scouting parties checking the local trees for nets every day to head off such problems as this.]

Pluma’s got Paradise Estate glowing and turning orange, which I guess means it’s heating up to dangerous levels where the plastic might begin to melt. Better fucking hurry, Buttons!

My Little Pony: The Ghost of Paradise Estate – Parts 1-2

I didn’t know the Ponies bought MC Hammer’s old 40,000 square foot mansion!

Yay, everyone’s free. Instead of, you know, immediately running to stop Pluma, they stand around and look at the goddamn scenery, brush off the dust. THAT’S WHEN THE EXPLOSION HAPPENS.

Megan leads the charge over the all those hills (because what is a valley without oodles of hills!) and waves her hands in the air, yelling for Pluma to stop. Even Danny and Fizzy yell at the magical bird creature to stop, because she’s going to wreck the Ponies’ house! Um, I think that’s the point?

Because the painters weren’t paid to make it look like it was literally on fire, we have a giant cutout in the shape of Paradise Estate that is glowing orange. Okay. I guess that means her magical heat ray is working? Then it turns bright butter yellow before flashing bright white! Then it blinks out of existence, leaving the dug out impression that there was once a foundation in the earth.

PARADISE ESTATE IS NO MORE!

Fade to black, roll credits.

Final Thoughts:

These episodes have not aged well with time. Which makes me sad. I remember really liking this 4-parter when I was, what, five? Yet again we have creatures that were never released in toy-form; I remember especially wishing Pluma had been a toy. I probably made do with a Fairy Tails bird standing in for her. [Dove: Fun fact: I found one of the Fairy Tails birds at a boot sale for £1. I saved about £24 there. I loves me a great boot sale find.] Although they were released by Hasbro, with symbols on their chests and in similar colors to the Ponies, they were entirely unrelated toys. (Yes, I still have mine.) [Dove: One day, bat and I will do collection videos.] [bat: Those will have to be chopped into parts, because our collections are large.]

In terms of story, did anyone remember the Ponies got Paradise Estate? Did everyone just forget Dream Castle (duh, yes) and the Lullabye Nursery (again, yes) and that was because no one saw the feature film and Hasbro needed to shill the super expensive and huge playset.

Look, that girl even shrunk down in size just to fit on the back of So-Soft Cupcake! *waits for Dove’s commentary on that* [Dove: I’m actually impressed. They scaled her down to the right size, unlike Megan and co, whose feet basically drag along the ground.]

So we have a huge, sprawling home for the Ponies that just appears and now the Ponies are moving into it. There’s the standard, oh no something BAD happens and now the Ponies have to defend themselves YET AGAIN against some unknown villain who may not actually be the villain. Remember Scorpan? Rep? Sting? Pluma is going to fall into that category as “forced to do something mean/bad to the Ponies but turns to their side in the end.”

This trope gets real fucking old fast.

I know it’s a children’s show but it would have been far more terrifying for the ghost/Pluma to really cause problems for the Ponies instead of A) attacking the Baby Ponies first, then B) chasing the adult Ponies around while singing about it. Also: WHERE DID THE BABY PONIES GO? WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM? WERE THEY SUCKED INTO THE MAGICAL VORTEX WHEN PARADISE ESTATE DISAPPEARED?

Because, surely, they couldn’t have been in that weird shaped “nursery” building out back when all this went down. Notice we never saw that again.

And then, ONCE MORE, everything bad is happening because of a fucking stone. Yes, I know, down the road the “magical object” isn’t always a stone, but right now EVERYTHING IS STONES. Maybe I am bitter because of Infinity War and sitting through ten years of MCU films building up to six fucking stones that rule the universe but I’m also bitter because Dove and I had to sit through ten episodes around that goddamn Sun Stone bullshit.

So these episodes get a D, because they don’t hold up, there’s a plethora of plot holes and stupid mistakes (INVISIBLE BEDS) and my inner child is sorely disappointed in how poorly this has aged.

Now Dove will get to recap the second half of this 4-parter. I don’t remember if it gets better or worse. Guess we’ll find out soon enough!

[Dove: I agree with everything bat said, to be honest. I was actually leaning towards grading it a C, because at least the story moved faster than Flutter Valley, but then bat pointed out that it’s actually just the same story over and over and over. The high points are actually bat capping all of the animation glitches. So I agree with bat and rate it D. And yes, I desperately wanted it to be a real ghost. I got this title confused with an episode where all of the furniture comes to life, which is an episode I remember enjoying, so this was doubly irritating for me: a rehash of a well-used plot and it not being the plot I was hoping for.]

Ponies. Vampires. Weird little films no one remembers. Much snark.

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