Nostalgic Bookshelf

Snarky recaps of nostalgic media, including Making Out, Baywatch, Blyton and Baby-Sitter's Club
28
Aug 2018
The End of Flutter Valley (G1 Cover)

The End of Flutter Valley (G1 Cover)

The End of Flutter Valley (G2 Cover... why?)

The End of Flutter Valley (G2 Cover… why?)

Title: The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

Summary: 

Grade: This will be given when Dove and I finally reach the end of this 10 part epic.

Recap:

THE RAINBOW OF LIGHT IS AT THE END OF THE DAMN TUNNEL! All the harrowing hours we’ve spent neck deep in this never-ending saga – what was originally just a stupid day trip to freaking Flutter Valley – are finally drawing to a close! Well, okay, these two episodes to go, then Dove has the last two to recap, so we’re not as close as everyone (ie: ME) wishes we were. But we’re getting there! At least the action picks up speed in parts 7 & 8… if you can call it “action”…

Part 7

Oh noes! The bull, snorting and stamping, has Morning Glory and Sting trapped in the barn! They… wait… you chose a hay bale to “hide” behind? Yeah, that’s totally gonna protect you.

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

Live shot of Dove and I realizing we still have two more episodes before we’re free of Flutter Valley.

The two share a worried look before they simultaneously scream, “MEEEEEGAAAAAAANNNN!” Somehow, Morning Glory and Sting remember they can fucking fly, that their wings aren’t ornamental and/or non-functioning, and manage to escape up into the hayloft just as the bull charges and destroys that hay bale they were “hiding” behind. Phew. [Dove: Also, don’t they come from a world where pretty much everything talks? Why don’t they try and reason with it?]

The bull is unhappy, smashing his head into the post that supports the hayloft, cracking it. Panicking, Sting wants to cut and run but Morning Glory insists they have to find Megan, she has to be somewhere. WELL THAT JUST NARROWS IT DOWN, DOESN’T IT.

I just wonder what Megan’s parents think of all these weird creatures that randomly show up on their farm and spirit away their daughter. Do they ever see them? Or do they just roll their eyes and sigh when their seemingly normal pre-teen daughter rambles on about adventures in a magical land with talking horses who can fly and perform limited magic? It also begs the question if these “pony adventures” are all hallucinations Megan is having…

Morning Glory takes off and makes it out of the barn but Sting smashes into the wall, knocking himself unconscious, leaving him vulnerable to the still angry bull. Morning Glory comes to his aid, teasing and taunting the bull (this is a tactic used by so many ponies it’s basically the one thing they all have in common besides being ponies) and flying around in circles to distract him.

Suddenly, we hear a whinny and the clomp of galloping hooves! Megan is riding into the… yard? yeah, I guess it’s the yard…. on regular old, non-talking, brown horse. Is that a damn wishing well in the cheaply painted background?

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

Human anatomy doesn’t work this way, animators.

Apparently, Megan has heard nothing of the commotion. She calmly pulls the brown pony’s saddle off without a hint of its weight (saddles are hefty) and throws it easily onto the fence rail. [Dove: Also, she both leaves the red saddle pad (numnah, to the English) on the pony and takes it with the saddle. Were all of the animators drunk?] Meanwhile, we hear Morning Glory still taunting the bull in the barn.

Running to the barn, proudly showing off her fancy new duds in the form of a romper/overalls in a pastel teal, paired with a baby pink shirt (BUY OUR MERCH!) Megan has the audacity to ask, “what’s going on here?!” when she comes upon Morning Glory, an unconscious Sting, and the bull.

Ugh, Megan, stop being so not surprised at everything.

Morning Glory zooms over and introduces herself as “it’s me, Morning Glory!” before Megan warns her to watch out, the bull is charging again. Morning Glory successfully distracts the bull while Megan runs outside, grabs the CONVENIENT RED SADDLE BLANKET still on the non-anthropomorphic brown pony, and yells about getting the bull back in his stall. [Dove: See above screen cap to prove Megan took it off the pony. I’m not sure how they are made in the US, but in England, Megan’s below plan wouldn’t work. They’re not that big, and they’re padded, so they tend to be a little stiff, unless they’re really old.]

Okay.

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

The bull can’t see red, so, this is just lies. LIES!

Waving the red blanket, which reflects in the bull’s eyes, Megan yells “Toro!” at the bull. Never say that My Little Pony didn’t attempt to be bilingual! Megan apparently does a little bull fighting in her down time, as the bull charges the blanket and becomes distracted from Morning Glory buzzing around his head.

Meanwhile, Sting is slowly coming to. He manages to follow Morning Glory outside to the pen. Megan keeps yelling about putting the bull in his stall, but leads him outside to the OUTDOOR PEN, so I can only guess this is some weird writing error in which the writer doesn’t know the fucking difference between a stall and a pen. My brain hurts.

It doesn’t matter. Megan waves the blanket, yells “toro!” again, the bull charges into the pen, and Sting slams the gate closed. THE END.

Oh. Wait. Not over. Sigh.

Morning Glory casually introduces Sting, because Megan isn’t shocked what so ever by a giant anthropomorphic bee person with a mohawk. Nope. Not at all. They shake hands and Sting just blurts out that the Flutter Ponies need Megan’s help. “What’s the trouble?” Megan asks.

Explaining that it’s “the witches again” and Bumble, “my ex-queen”, Sting adds, Morning Glory brings up the magical maguffin, THE SUN STONE and how it has to be returned to Flutter Valley before sunset! Megan actually looks over and there’s a static background painting of a soon-to-be-setting sun. HOW DOES TIME WORK IN THIS LAND?? HOW ARE PONYLAND AND MEGAN’S WORLD CONNECTED?? THIS MAKES ZERO SENSE. [Dove: Given that the USA has multiple time zones, it’s amazing that Ponyland is linked to one of the states in exactly the same timezone.] [bat: If it is, it’s probably West Coast / Pacific Standard. *snort*]

Then Morning Glory points out a shocking bit of reality: Megan is “too big” to ride on her back. Holy cow. Even Sting is like, no bueno. Damn. I feel like this is a momentous occasion, where the writers finally acknowledged some basic physics. [Dove: … should we… like… high five, maybe?] [bat: I would suggest a shot of some sort of liquor; it will make this go faster AND we might learn how these animators made all these silly mistakes.]

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

“I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORLD! SHINING, SHIMMERING, SPLENDID!” (It’s in your head now, isn’t it. You’re welcome!)

But that’s all dashed when Megan hands one side of the blanket to Sting, the other to Morning Glory, announces it’s a “magic carpet!” and jumps in for the ride. Oh dear lord. “TO PONYLAND!” [Dove: That saddle pad has grown amazingly.]

Weirdly, in the static background painting, there’s a giant rainbow. I can’t remember; isn’t that kind of the visual portal between the “real” world and Ponyland? Wasn’t that addressed in Midnight Castle??

Ooo a fancy side swipe and we’re back in the dying and decaying Flutter Valley. Hydia, Reeka, and Ahgg are surveying the progress while Draggle thumbs through a book of spells. She comes to the one for “purple” and, encouraged by Hydia (for once being a good mother!) she attempts to turn the captured ponies (helpfully caught in a web-net)… um… well, purple.

Gusty isn’t having it. She sasses about the witches being sorry when the Furbob gets back with help. Draggles begins to attempt the spell. One problem with this plan: Spike is already technically a shade of purple. And so is Buttons. So, what the hell? [Dove: Also, I would be worried about reminding Hydia about the failure of the Smooze.]

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

C’mon, there’s a big tub of OxyClean back at the Volcano of Doom.

Spike and the ponies brace themselves but nothing happens. Hydia yells and demands results, prompting Draggle to admit she left out a word, which she then yells. The spell backfires and turns the witches (as well as part of one of Ahgg’s legs) purple. The ponies and Spike howl with laughter.

Reeka and Hydia immediately start yelling and insulting a trembling Draggle, while Ahgg bursts into tears at the sight of his purple limb. Apologizing profusely, Draggle tries to wipe the spell off (??) but nothing can help it. The witches have to return to their volcano to find the reversal spell or some stain remover. Boy, is Hydia pissed about that! She threatens that if she misses the sunset that destroyed Flutter Valley, Draggle will be “one sorry witch!”

Leading Hydia away, Reeka calls for Ahgg to come with them, so they can get “un-purpled”.

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead / And the green Furbob is talking backwards” Apologies to Jefferson Airplane.

Somewhere, lost in the wilds between Flutter Valley and everywhere else, the green Furbob is trying to figure out exactly what to do. At first he (it?) decides to go back to Furbobia for more Furbobs. (There’s like very few Furbobs left, if I remember correctly.) This plan is nixed when he (her?) remembers the Stonebacks are milling about, blocking the hidden entrance to Furbobia. Hm, decisions, decisions.

Can’t go to Paradise Estate! Furbob hasn’t a clue where it is. Well, yeah, directions would be important, if Ponyland HAD ANY ACTUAL DIRECTIONS THAT MADE SENSE. The Furbob goes into a total mental meltdown about decision-making, which, of course, leads to a fucking song.

Because everything in these cartoons has to be periodically summed up with musical verse. No, literally, this was a tradition carried on into My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. [Dove: Although FiM has much better songwriters. This Day Aria is amazing. Apples to the Core is sooo catchy. Raven and I have a playlist that we listen to and sing along with on long car journeys.]

How Can I Be a Hero? WELL, GREEN FURBOB…

Actually, this song is quite prescient in predicting a whole generation of children with anxiety disorder. Um, kudos for kind of seeing the future? Green Furbob still doesn’t make any decision about what to do to save the Ponies trapped in Ahgg’s web-net, song or not.

Which gives Aladdin, Abu, and Genie with Magic Carpet time to catch up! Aladdin, er, Megan actually sees the green Furbob lying in the field, crippled by paralyzing indecision but mistakes it for a Bushwoolie. Morning Glory hopes it has news of her Flutter Pony sisters. (Wow, Morning Glory actually cares about them?)

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

Why are they standing like that?? And why is Morning Glory’s head suddenly 3 times its normal size??

The trio lands, which sends the green Furbob hiding behind a rock before inquiring as to who the hell they are. Admittedly, I, too, would be a bit upset to be confronted by a human girl, a talking skinny not-Pegasi, and a humanoid bee person with a mohawk. (Weren’t 80s kids cartoons the best?!)

Introductions are made, though why Morning Glory only explains her genus and not that Megan is a human and Sting is a…. bee person… I dunno. Way to make it all about Flutter Ponies, Morning Glory!

As soon as Megan cops to mistaking the Furbob for a Bushwoolie, he (it?) kicks in that the Bushwoolies are cousins and that he (her?) is off on a mission to rescue some Ponies!

“What a dilemma!” Megan announces. (WHAT THE HELL, MEGAN?)

Megan, of course, wants to free the Ponies first (natch) but green Furbob decides they need the Flutter Ponies to help them free the Ponies, so Morning Glory agrees that they need to go to Bumbleland and free Queen Rosedust and co. (Remember them?)

Oh, and she adds in they need to collect the Sun Stone and return it to Flutter Valley, because, duh.

The trio heads off, I guess it’s in the proper direction (HOW WOULD ANYONE KNOW? Well, okay, Sting would technically know?) and the green Furbob questions their decision after that temporary moment of decision-making. But Megan quashes the further indecision and the quartet head to Bumbleland (supposedly.)

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

Holy crap, they drew in smoke! No subtle messages here!

Over in Bumbleland, because obviously we need to check in with that scene, Pointer is bringing a massive flower bundle to Queen Bumble. Of course she complains at him, before picking a pair of PINK flowers out of the huge pile of ORANGE flowers. (Way to keep continuity, everybody!)

She then starts inhaling on them like they’re a floral crack pipe (good god) until the “nectar” is exhausted and she’s mumbling about “tasty” junk. Holy crap, drugs are bad, kids!

Pointer complains that without the Sun Stone, shit is back to “normal”, which requires the drones to fly far afield to find fresh flowers to sate their Queen’s massive drug dependency. Queen Bumble ain’t having no excuses.

At drone point, the Flutter Ponies are marched in to stand before Queen Bumble. There’s still honey in their hair and wings, though it magically disappears between animation cels. Bumble demands they retrieve the Sun Stone for her, and for the Flutter Ponies to stay in Bumbleland to keep Flutter Valley alive. This makes zero sense but let’s go with it.

Queen Rosedust is all why the hell would we want to work with you?? Honeysuckle reminds Bumble she’s the one who stole the damn Sun Stone in the first place. I guess when Gusty isn’t around, Honeysuckle picks up the sass. Bumble demands the Flutter Ponies dig up the Sun Stone because they’re her prisoners, then laughs her ass off before returning to her $150K a day drug habit.

While Bumble sucks down a flower that is literally four times the size of her body (WHO WAS IN CHARGE OF ACCURATE PROPORTIONS??) Pointer is standing on a claw machine dealie that he is sending down into a hole in the ground, with which he intends to retrieve the Sun Stone. Say, wait, I thought the Flutter Ponies were supposed to get it back?? THEY’RE JUST STANDING AROUND THE EDGE OF THE GIANT HOLE.

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

In her spare time, Honeysuckle is a MMA cage fighter.

No, my bad, they’re digging at the edge of the whole. Well, Peach Blossom is. Honeysuckle is just standing there while Peach Blossom also mentions getting the honey off their wings so they can “do something”. [Dove: They are obsessed with their wings. Is flying all they bring to the table?] Honeysuckle has a better plan, walking over to a puddle and claiming she’s “thirsty”. Gulping down a huge mouthful from a puddle, she spits it onto Pointer before forcefully headbutting him, knocking him off the claw machine. Jumping onto the seat, Honeysuckle uses her hooves to control the levers (um, again with the no knowledge of actual anatomy!) and uses the wooden machine (that makes literal mechanical machine noises, wtf) to pick up a sleeping Queen Bumble and her throne.

Well, I did say the action picks up in these parts, didn’t I?

Honeysuckle swings the throne, and Bumble, over the open pit. Bumble wakes up and protests, and either she’s forgotten she can fly or she’s become too fat, I’m not sure, because she just sits there and screams. The Flutter Ponies all stare up at the queen bee while Honeysuckle tells her to kiss off, she can sit and spin while the Flutter Ponies get the Sun Stone back and return to Flutter Valley.

Why isn’t Honeysuckle queen of the Flutter Ponies?

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

FOLLOW THE WHITE RABBIT, HONEYSUCKLE

Queen Bumble, a virtual prisoner, demands Pointer help. So he flies up and uses his stinger as a chainsaw (???) to cut the rope to the claw that is holding her throne in the air. The rope snaps, the throne falls into the giant hole, but Bumble manages to jump free in the nick of time. Sure. Okay. Right.

She immediately demands that they “get the Flutter Ponies!” I think she’s talking to her drone army. Oh, look, there they are. The Flutter Ponies scatter, running since they’re now once again shown covered in honey. (What is continuity!) Honeysuckle jumps down from the machine, dodges away from Pointer, but is tripped by Queen Bumble. Of course, Honeysuckle somersaults right into the hole.

Queen Rosedust and the other Flutter Ponies somehow escape the drone army and run back to the edge of the hole, staring down into it as Honeysuckle’s scream fades and we hear a loud THUD.

CLIFFHANGER ENDING! AGAIN!

Part 8

Admittedly, the cliffhanger would be more impactful if I wasn’t watching these parts back to back, but anyway, pretend it is and that it looks like Honeysuckle has been snuffed out instead of falling into a prime position to access the missing Sun Stone! [Dove: Well, you could argue that if she lands on the Sun Stone, she’s going to burn to a crisp. Fritter Ponies!]

We rejoin the Flutter Ponies and the drones standing around the giant hole in the ground, while Queen Rosedust yells down into said hole. “Honeysuckle?! Are you okay??” (Okay, I typed “Honeysuck” at first and it took me a while to notice it. Can you gather that I am so over this episode before it even begins?) [Dove: I’m pretty sure I did the same thing in at least one of mine.]

The fact that the damn honey keeps disappearing and reappearing on the Flutter Ponies heads/manes is seriously annoying.

With no time being given for Honeysuckle to answer, Peach Blossom declares her a total loss and a casualty of their misadventures in Bumbleland. Bumble even makes a joke about how Honeysuckle tried to “dump” her but got “dumped” instead. (???) (I know this is written for children but that’s not even that funny.)

Pointer orders the Flutter Ponies back to work, while he gets a crew to fix the claw machine, because they’ve ABSOLUTELY GOT TO GET THE SUN STONE OUT OF THE HOLE, DON’T YOU KNOW. Yeah, yeah, I do, this whole nightmare has centered around this stupid stone.

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

Someone failed at measuring, because this is where the frame *literally* stops.

But look! In the distance (?) behind a static and poorly painted overlay of a tree! It’s… well, it’s someone. I see the back of Megan’s head, Buzz, Morning Glory, and that damn green Furbob! RESCUE PARTY IN THE HIZZHOUSE!

For some reason, yet again, this is becoming an epidemic, NO ONE SEES THEM. Nope. Nothing. Megan insists she’s going to talk to Bumble but the green Furbob latches onto her… well, I guess that’s supposed to be her ankle and begs her not to, insisting TALKING WON’T WORK. (I kind of have to agree with the Furbob on this one.)

Sting chimes in that the Furbob is right (shocking both the Furbob and myself) and says something about Bumble being too mean to be reasoned with. Okay. Being cruel and sadistically mean is a common theme among most of the Pony’s “villains” (Tirek, Catrina, Hydia… you see the pattern, right? The names don’t matter, they’re all the same.)

Morning Glory insists they need to find the good in everyone. OH SHUT UP, MORNING GLORY. [Dove: Let’s not take advice from a pony too dim to realise she could have walked out of a cage at any time.]

Megan, ignoring the advice of the one creature who, y’know, would know Bumble best, sides with Morning Glory and insists on using her words to solve the problem of the stolen Sun Stone and enslaved Flutter Ponies. The two run off towards the group, leaving the Furbob comically chewing his/her/its nails.

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

Megan the Messiah and Hero-Complex Morning Glory to the rescue!

Magically, Queen Rosedust immediately sees them and calls for them by name, as she and the other Flutter Ponies are still half-heartedly digging at the edge of the hole and have totally given up on Honeysuckle. Pointer demands the drones grab “her” (Megan? Or Morning Glory??) but Megan holds up a hand, immediately stopping the drones from stabbing her and Morning Glory to death with their stingers.

Megan yells she’s come to talk (“PARLAY!”) and Bumble pops right into the frame out of nowhere, demanding to know who and what Megan is. Finally, someone asks the questions Megan should have asked when she found Morning Glory in her barn with a talking bee person.

Calmly Megan informs Bumble she’s a friend of the Flutter Ponies, that Bumble needs to release them, and return their Sun Stone. Wow, did you take a master class in Hostage Negotiations, Megan?

Bumble is literally on the ground laughing at this blonde, blue-eyed waif who just randomly appeared and demanded freedom for enslaved ponies. She even asks if Megan is joking. Nope. Megan demands her requests are granted because, surprise, THE BEES ARE SURROUNDED!

Some grass moves in the background but I have no idea who or what is doing it. (The Stonebacks?) Pointer jumps up from the claw machine, zooms over Megan’s head, then kicks her, SOMEHOW (magic?) knocking her the full distance into the hole in the ground. And somehow the hole’s width isn’t wider then how tall Megan is, because she manages to catch herself and hold on. SURE.

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

Even I can’t explain how this is possible.

Megan knows she’s in deep trouble, screaming for help. Sting springs into action but green Furbob is having an anxiety attack. There’s some super odd animation I can’t even begin to describe properly, with Sting trying to aim his stinger at Pointer (I wanted to type Poindexter for some reason, which oddly would fit in this instance) and, literally, sting him. But of course it doesn’t happen.

Morning Glory runs over to tell her sister Flutter Ponies they should fly. Only, because this is Morning Glory, she forgets the others still have honey coating their wings. (Good job, animation cel painters, by forgetting the honey in their manes and tails!) Peach Blossom points out they can attempt to RUN AWAY! God, what would we do without Honeysuckle and Peach Blossom, the only two Flutter Ponies with half a brain. [Dove: I seem to remember you telling me you quite liked the Flutter Ponies. Explain.] [bat: Okay, opinions change between 7 and 37. That’s my defense and I’m sticking with it.]

So the Flutter Ponies RUN.

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

Again, I don’t know what to say. I am speechless.

Bumble isn’t having it, ordering the clone-looking drones after them. Can’t be losing our slave labor! (Also, the drones have no back legs? WTF?) Megan, still somehow stretched across that not-exactly-giant-or-is-it? hole, is rescued by the green Furbob, just as the ground starts to pointedly crumble beneath her hands. Again, I am at a sheer loss for words on how exactly to describe this. But anyway, I’ll try.

The green Furbob wraps his/her/its back legs around the trunk of a conveniently placed tree, before MAGICALLY STRETCHING his/her/its torso like fucking Silly Putty (or Stretch Armstrong, natch) so he/her/it can save Megan. Yeah. Sure. At this point, who cares.

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

When your magical recoil fails and you’re stretched out of shape.

Megan literally pulls the Furbob into the hole for a split second, before the Furbob displays amazing upper body strength and yanks Megan from certain doom, snapping back so both hit the trunk of the tree. The Furbob jumps into the air and, with an audible pop, snaps back into regular size/shape. Oh, if only.

MEANWHILE. The bee drones have intercepted Peach Blossom but a snap edit sends us to the skies. Sting and Pointer have somehow removed their stingers and are now sword fighting in mid-air. Welcome to 1980s cartoons, where nothing has to make sense! [Dove: Alcohol? Not sure if it’s a request or an explanation at this point.]

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

What a pain in the ass you are, Pointer.

Pointer manages to knock Sting’s pseudo-sword away, crowing his victory, before he stabs Sting in the ass with his stinger. Yeah, I’m not even attempting to make this up, this is what is happening.

Sting drops from the sky like a lead bee-shaped balloon, circling until there’s a really pointed edit and Megan and Morning Glory are rushing over to his fallen corpse form. Pointer’s detachable penis stinger is still jammed into Stinger’s butt. AGAIN I COULDN’T EVEN BEGIN TO MAKE THIS UP.

And then Sting asks Morning Glory and Megan to pull the stinger out.

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

OH MY GLOB STOP. JUST STOP.

And yet again my mind has gone to a terrible place, because Morning Glory (being hand-less, as horses are) uses her mouth to pry the stinger out of Sting’s ass. There’s a loud, comical POP when it comes free. Sting makes some weird expressions before thanking Morning Glory and promises to owe her one.

None of this matters one bit, as Queen Bumble yells something about victors getting the Sun Stone, while pushing some kind of latch that drops a handy trap THAT JUST HANGS RIGHT ABOVE MEGAN, MORNING GLORY, FURBOB, AND STING.

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

Wow, this episode is going to some weird places…

Right. Sure. Just happened to A) be there and B) line up perfectly. And it’s apparently made of materials stronger then the other cages/traps/etc. Go figure.

The Flutter Ponies are being marched back to face their lives of servitude, driven on by the drones. Again, no honey on the manes/tails but big blobs on their wings. This looks bad, everybody.

OVER IN FLUTTER VALLEY…

Draggle is sitting, looking quite dejected, and the sun is huge, round, and burnt orange in the sky. It also appears the animators wanted to convey it as “starting to set” but it looks more like it’s setting the valley on fire.

Surprise, Buttons, Gusty, and Fizzy are all still caught up in the net, that’s hanging from a tree. Oh, and Spike too, who attempts to pep talk Draggle into feeling better about absolutely sucking at being a witch. Draggle counters that being a failure is NOT AN OPTION, especially if Hydia is your mommy dearest.

For some reason, Buttons asks Draggle to let the Ponies free, with Fizzy adding that if she releases them that will TEACH HYDIA NOT TO MAKE FUN OF HER DAUGHTER. Wait, what the hell kind of logic is that?! Please, Fizzy, do not take lessons from Morning fucking Glory!

Draggle freaks out at the mere suggestion she disobey her mother, mentioning banishment from the volcano. (Wait, Hydia intends to move to the destroyed and desiccated Flutter Valley, so why would the volcano lair be mentioned??) Spike wants to know why banishment is wrong (??) and suddenly the little Ponies are whispering heatedly among themselves.

This can’t be good.

Gusty pipes up and offers that the Ponies will teach Draggle “Pony” magic. Notice that key word is PONY. Pretty sure humanoid witches are not Ponies and do not have the same capabilities.

Nope, Draggle instantly falls for the trap, jumping to her feet in anticipation of becoming magically adept. Fizzy adds that this will make Hydia proud of Draggle. Wait, didn’t Fizzy just tell Draggle to tell her mother to step off??

But of course, the Pony magic lessons come in the form of a fucking song:

Let’s summarize, since you’re probably not going to watch that clip. PONY MAGIC IS THE BEST KIND OF MAGIC (lies) and the Ponies — well the unicorns — demonstrate their particular brands of spells. Fizzy shoots bubbles out of her horn. (The bubbles lift Draggle off the ground before popping and dropping her two stories on her ass.)

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

Pony Centipede (First Sequence)

Buttons demonstrates that she’s telekinetic, moving the pencil and pad of paper Draggle was using to take notes with. (Gee, Buttons, didn’t realize you had actual magical ability until just now.) Buttons then takes to whipping Draggle around through the air, talking about how if only the witch could fly like Surprise.

Draggle lands on the tree limb where the net is secured, and Spike takes the opportunity to egg Draggle on, asking her to release them so they can “really show her” their stuff. Oh my.

Undoing the tie, the Ponies drop free (though Surprise doesn’t fall with the rest, she just hovers in the air) and Gusty gets her verse to demonstrate that she can cause the wind to blow. (Which promptly blows Draggle out of the tree.) But Draggle doesn’t get far; a weird edit shows Surprise tying the net back to the branch, before we see Draggle has become entangled in the net, as the Ponies and Spike stand around singing at her. What torture.

The Ponies begin to walk off, taunting Draggle as they leave, Draggle screaming about how she was tricked as she struggles in the net. Buttons points out that time is running out, sunset is almost upon the Valley, and still no Sun Stone or Flutter Ponies. Gusty yells they have to get to Bumbleland NOW. [Dove: This really bugged me. I’ve seen various posts about how everyone wanted Draggle to have a face turn and join the ponies, and I never got it – having only seen the movie. Now I do. And I can see that the ponies are the ones who blew it, not Draggle. It’s clear that she really wants acceptance, and the ponies stick with “You were born evil, you will only ever be evil” as their thought process. New tag: Twilight Sparkle wouldn’t pull this shit. And yes, I have retrospectively added it to Catrina, where the ponies do a similar thing to Catrina.] [bat: My Little Ponies = not as nice or inclusive as they want you to believe!]

Spike points in the direction he thinks they need to go, Surprise offering to let him ride on her back, as the Ponies gallop off. Running over the drying hills of yellow grass, the Ponies suddenly crash into a VERY OBVIOUSLY PAINTED BACKGROUND OF FAKE FLOWERS. And it’s sticky, trapping them yet again. I wonder why.

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

“I DRAW’D U A PEEKTURE, MAMA HYDIA.”

“Fly paper! It’s a trap!” Gusty moans, as we see Hydia and Reeka hiding (poorly) behind a small rock as the Ponies struggle to break free. Hydia laughs and says it’s a taste of “real” magic (wait, you have a fucking GIANT SPIDER who makes webs on demand yet you had to conjure FLY PAPER??) then orders Ahgg to take them away. The giant spider picks up the fly paper and roars/screams in triumph, the Ponies and Spike suddenly becoming flat, 2-D images. Okay, sure, whatever.

Reeka, however, is more concerned with how Draggle is going to be PUNISHED. (Sisterly love for you, folks!) Hydia yells at her, then grabs her daughter by the ear, dragging her off to watch Flutter Valley “rot”. Parenting skills, yo.

OVER IN BUMBLELAND…

The rescue party has failed, since they’re still in the basket-type cage. Queen Bumble is chilling on her throne, as Pointer stands by. Morning Glory is whinging about how Flutter Valley is doomed, since sunset is coming. Wah wah wah.

HOLD THE PHONE. MEGAN JUST ADMITTED SHE “WASN’T MUCH HELP”. [Dove: ANOTHER HIGH FIVE!]

Sting admonishes them to not give up, because it isn’t over until the “fat lady stings”. Oh please.

Queen Bumble drains another massive flower dry, demanding another from Pointer. Unfortunately, he has to tell her that was the last flower, as the drones have cleaned out the forest for miles, stripping it of every flower to feed their queen’s addictive habit. Oops.

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

Hands down, the single best out of context screen cap I have taken in this whole series.

Of course, Queen Bumble is pissed and yells about how if they had the Sun Stone then it would attract the sun and the flowers would grow and she wouldn’t have to be threatening a bitch about feeding her habit. (But… you had… the Sun Stone… and now it’s in that… hole… [Dove: Also, it turned the land into a flowery inferno.]) Pointer points out that they can’t retrieve the Sun Stone, it’s too deep in the ground now! (That’s what she said.)

BUT WAIT. Who’s that coming up from the giant hole in the ground?? Why it’s the single best Flutter Pony ever: HONEYSUCKLE LIVES!

She manages to somehow pull herself up and out of the hole, her wings still covered in honey, and she’s walking pretty funny, but Honeysuckle survived!

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

And the DISCONTINUITY AWARD for episode 8 goes to…

The rescue party is now sitting in a proper fucking birdcage, which means someone in the art department got fired and the replacement didn’t have any reference as to what their cage looked like and this is what happened. I found it, the most obviously error in the whole episode! (I realize it’s supposed to be an animation error but this cage is so blatantly changed, it wins.) [Dove: Discontinuity award?]

Boy, they all look pretty angry and/or scared. Honeysuckle, obviously suffering some kind of nerve damage after the fall, makes her way over without being noticed by Bumble or Pointer. She peeks around a tree and WHY IS HER HEAD AS LARGE AS THE TREE??

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

Maybe this is the runner up to the DISCONTINUITY AWARD?

She hisses to get their attention, causing Morning Glory to yell her name LOUDLY, but somehow Honeysuckle overcomes her injuries to turn the crank and raise the cage. And the rescue party just walks free. My god, who wrote this??

Honeysuckle directs them to get the Flutter Ponies and go down the hole, as it’s “safe”. Okay. Sting wants to know what they’re going to do about Bumble and her drones. “They’ve got a surprise coming! Now, Stonebacks, now!”

The Stonebacks come pouring out of the hole in the ground, much to the green Furbob’s dismay, snorting and shuffling along steadily as they run at the drones guarding the Flutter Ponies. The drones take to the air, whether out of fear or a sense of duty to protect Bumble, I can’t tell. Megan yells for the Flutter Ponies to run to the hole. Boy are they surprised to see Honeysuckle, Queen Rosedust stopping just short of saying they thought she was dead.

Honeysuckle says she’ll explain later, directing her sisters into the hole. For some reason the Flutter Ponies jump up and float before diving into the hole. It’s weird. Just plain weird.

Suddenly Queen Bumble notices not all is well with her slavery plan, yelling her head off as the Stonebacks storm towards her and Pointer. One Stoneback actually slams her into her throne before knocking it backwards, then smashing into Pointer, who goes flying off screen. Wow, look at all that action!

The drones comes flying in to attack but Sting douses them in honey (??) and Honeysuckle calls for the Stonebacks to retreat. Immediately they pile into the hole. That’s when the rescue party notices the green Furbob has gone missing. Megan goes to look for him/her/it, while drones swoop in on Honeysuckle and Sting. Ordering Sting into the hole, the humanoid bee dude flies off into the skies. What the hell?

Megan finds the green Furbob, who confesses terror at the mere appearance of the Stonebacks. Megan insists they’re helping, not hurting, dragging the green Furbob towards the hole, while the green Furbob insists it’s a trick!

The End of Flutter Valley (Parts 7-8)

Only two more episodes before this nightmare ends!

As they approach the hole, a pack of drones swoop in, but are suddenly covered in honey by Sting. He grabs Megan’s hand and drags her and the green Furbob to the supposed safety of the hole. Everyone jumps in, the green Furbob the last. Unfortunately, just before jumping, Queen Bumble, Pointer, and more drones come flying in. The green Furbob cowers in terror as the screen fades to black…

BUT THAT’S NOT MY PROBLEM. I AM FREEEEEEEEE!! FREEEEEE OF FLUTTER VALLEY!!

Well, okay, I have commentary to make on Dove’s recaps, but I have done my part! Sending it back to you, Dove, to deliver us from Flutter Valley!

[Dove: I think something went wrong in this story if bat’s immediate reaction is YAY, NOT MY PROBLEM, SOMEONE ELSE IS GOING TO TAKE OVER! Actually, that’s my reaction at the end of each episode too.]

Ponies. Vampires. Weird little films no one remembers. Much snark.

My Little Pony , , , ,
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