My Little Pony Tales: Shop Talk (S01E10)
Title: Shop Talk
Summary: Starlight and the Ponies learn that gossiping is bad. There, that’s the life lesson. They won’t remember the lesson by the next episode but who cares. Also, they fucking bully Sweetheart, again.
Grade: C-
Initial Thoughts:
Hello, again! I want to say I had a nice break, what with Dove facing a double header in the recap schedule but, really, do we ever truly get a break from this? What with the commenting, no. And throw in having to house sit for six animals (3 dogs, 3 cats) (even if one of those cats is my beloved adopted son) over the holiday weekend, I’m not sure I really enjoyed my time off. [Future bat: It wasn’t terrible; all but one of these animals is considered “senior”. I always beg the universe none of them die on my watch. And none of them did, so it was successful in that sense.]
Moving on, I admit from the title of this episode I thought the Ponies were taking a “shop” class, aka industrial arts but then again, does any public school teach that anymore? I doubt it. And when I was in high school, we had a whole garage on the school campus that was full of ancient industrial saws and whatnot that had once been used for those classes but was now relegated to the bin. I could fully imagine one of the Ponies – probably Patch – sawing her hoof off because she was playing class clown instead of practicing safety. [Dove: That would have been far more interesting though. They could even make it a very special episode, where Patch learns to live with her new diability.]
Unfortunately, this was not the actual pretense of the episode. Yet again, imagining episodes that are cooler than anything reality gave us.
I can’t even say the bright side of the episode is the fact it is a Starlight-centric one. Because once again, the Ponies prove themselves to be, well… you’ll see. I don’t know how many episodes need to be based on the Ponies being jerks to their friends and family. It’s getting old!
Recap:
Oh, yes, it’s the B episode so I don’t have to sit through the title song. SMALL JOYS, people. Take them when you can get them.
We open on a store front that could basically be decorated for Pride: a huge rainbow over the door, heart-shaped window casings, though the cameo-style silhouette of a Pony is supposed to denote… something. Unfortunately, it would be asking too much of the artists to, y’know, put a fucking sign up to tell viewers what the shop is for.
Also, the half-circle domed awnings over the windows… didn’t Paradise Estate have something like that? Mine came to me second-hand and was missing pieces. I ended up with one of those awnings and pretty much never realized what it was supposed to be. It didn’t stay attached very well, anyway. [Dove: Yeah, I feel like awnings were big in G1. I think the Nursery had one too.]
I would also complain about the kerning in the title credits but, at this point, that’s just nitpicking. (TYPOGRAPHY IS IMPORTANT. KERNING MATTERS.)
We zoom in on the store but suddenly are inside it, without a proper dissolve. Bleh. An adult Pony, with long blonde hair and a scarf tied to keep said hair up in a ‘do, is talking to her client. She finishes rolling a curl – HOW DO HOOVES WORK? (that’s it, that’s my chief complaint for this series) – and pushes over a hair drier, you know, the big dome things you sit under. She actually asks the client if she’s heard any interesting gossip lately.
Yes. This isn’t just a trope but a real world thing. I don’t know; I don’t go to beauty parlors or salons all that much these days. As a kid I went to a chain store to get my hair cuts – Perfect Look, usually, though Great Clips came in the 1990s – or I was shoe’d into whom ever my mother and/or grandmother had regular appointments with. I spent a lot of time in salons because my grandmother had a standing appointment and during middle school / early teens I started to dye my hair and it was easier to have a professional do it. (I was terrible at getting it everywhere, and making a horrible mess.) (I never did anything that would be considered “fashion” colours; it’s been blood red, Kool-aide red, and Manic Panic’s orange, but yeah, never purple or blue, or green.) At this point, it’s too damned expensive and I am terrible at proper upkeep, so I just hoard a bunch of the box dye I like and use it for particular occasions: my birthday and Halloween. Otherwise, well, to hell with it. My hair is somewhere in the neighborhood of three feet long. It’s a lot of work and twice as expensive to have it professionally dyed and maintain it. [Dove: I can’t get my hair cut or dyed professional. I have a horrible skin allergy that literally nobody in the medical profession is interested in finding the root cause of, but we are aware that being too warm, too cold, pungent smells (like nail polish or acetone), and chemicals touching my skin/being in the air sets it off. So, yeah, you’d have to pay me a small fortune to step inside a salon, because I’d be rushed to the emergency medics about four hours later when the allergy hit. I cut my own hair. Usually during boring meetings at work. Yes, it’s wonky as fuck.]
BACK TO THE EPISODE, I’m sorry, weird side tangents seem to be the only way Dove and I get through these episodes. The client gasps in excited anticipation as she reveals that Mrs Nettlebush told her the “big wind” that hit Ponyland (or is it Ponyville?) the prior night blew off Mrs Nettlebush’s roof. It also, somehow, blew Mrs Nettlebush’s clothes all over the neighborhood!
A) This is shitty “gossip”.
B) Does that mean Mrs Nettlebush’s clothes were drying on the line in the backyard?
C) Or does this mean the wind was actually a cyclone/tornado and not only blew her clothes off her body but also out of the many dressers/closets that are found in Pony homes full of clothing Ponies never wear?
In the background, we see Sweetheart and Starlight, listening to the gossip. They giggle. The stylist, who I am assuming is Starlight’s mother (she is pink with bright yellow daisy-like flowers for her cutie mark) asks if they aren’t supposed to be making a couple of ice cream sodas? [Dove: *waits*]
WAIT. JUST WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD UP.
THIS IS A COMBINATION ICE CREAM PARLOR SLASH SODA FOUNTAIN SLASH HAIR SALON SLASH THERE IS A JUKE BOX PAINTED INTO THE BACKGROUND SO IT’S ALSO A DINER?
Yuck!
Who wants HAIR in their ice cream? Who wants to smell hair dye and bleach while eating their burger? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PONIES???
DID NO ONE ON THE WRITING STAFF THINK THIS THROUGH? (I know, I am asking way too much with that one.)
[Dove: In a humorous turn of events, I’m also allergic to ice cream, so this shop is somehow triggering all of my allergies at once, despite them being massively at odds with each other and no normal person on the planet would consider combining them.] [bat: I, too, am “technically” allergic to milk so subsequently ice cream is also involved. It’s usually milkshakes that trigger my face turning bright red and hot. It sucks. Clearly, the Ponies have it out for you, Dove.]
The Ponies bring over the ice cream sodas, the client grabbing hers up instantly (HOW DO HOOVES WORK) and telling them the sodas look lovely. Uh. She thanks them as well, and immediately begins to gossip again as the Ponies walk away. Something about Justin proposing to Moon Glow (Moonglow?) OH. SUDDENLY SWEETHEART IS CARRYING THE TRAY IN HER MOUTH INSTEAD OF WITH HER HOOF. WE JUST NOW REMEMBERED HOW PONIES AND HOOVES WORK.
(Justin? Seriously? How come the male Ponies have human names and the females get… noun-adjective combo names? Besides the Big Brother Ponies had noun-adjective names in G1. Did the writers suddenly forget this? Hell, Ace, Teddy, and… what was the other one? LANCER. Yeah, hello? Justin???) [Dove: Don’t forget Logan Berrytown. They’re such 90s American boyband names as well. “Oh, what name sits well with Bon-Bon and Moonglow?” … “Duh. It’s Justin. Obv.” Seriously, wtf?]
Apparently the wedding is scheduled ASAP, so, infer what you will.
Oh shit, the client has been Mrs. Berrytown the whole time! (I knew this but I wanted some dramatic fun.) She wants someone to help her pick out an outfit to go with her new curls! (I dunno, is her hair style all that different? I don’t remember and I’m not about to waste time going back and looking at The Tea Party.) Starlight’s mother announces she’s finished working for the day, so she and Mrs Berrytown take off to go clothes shopping. (YOU DON’T FUCKING WEAR CLOTHES, YOU COWS.)
OH SHIT BON-BON IS SUDDENLY THERE. WHERE THE HELL DID SHE COME FROM?
Starlight asks her mother if they can do each others’ manes. Her mother agrees, so long as they sweep up when they’re done. OH YES, SWEEP UP ALL THE HAIR SO IT DOESN’T GET INTO THE FOOD AND ICE CREAM SODAS.
Can you tell I am still really pissed about this hair salon slash diner? Disgusting. [Dove: I can’t even fathom the amount of rules that need to be in place to keep the food and drink sanitary. Which still doesn’t help when you’re sitting down to enjoy a hot fudge sundae, but you’re also tripping balls because of that gross warm-air-peroxide atmosphere that comes with small salons in the very early 90s.]
Starlight is excited, she tells BON-BON (FUCKING BON-BON) they need to get everyone in here on the double. I guess that means the other four of the Annoying 6.
The scene transitions and we see Sweetheart brushing Clover’s mane and BON-BON is working on Melody’s mane. Starlight is working on Bright Eyes, while Patch is… I guess staring at herself in the mirror. Look, these are unlicensed middle schoolers working on hair in an actual salon, unsupervised at that. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG.
Starlight asks in a weird tone of voice, I guess she’s mimicking her mother?, if the girls have heard any gossip. OH FUCK IT GOES RIGHT INTO THE SONG?? I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS SO SOON!
Oh, and because all everyone ever did in the 1990s was rap, it is presented in RAP FORM.
(Someone posted the entire episode but I kindly skipped it to the start of the GOSSIP RAP for you. You’re welcome.)
I don’t even want to recap this, ugh. I am whining, you just can’t hear it.
Clover “raps” (god, this is the loosest definition of the term) about a Pony who was once engaged to a Count Appleloosa (?) and I wish I had captions but I’m also glad I don’t have them, I don’t fucking care what the fuck the Annoying 6 are “rapping” about. Patch “raps” next about her neighbor’s blonde dye job turning green. Ha ha, hilarious. [Dove: I find it more weird that a pony was dying their hair “blonde” than the fact it came out green. LOOK AT THE COLOUR OF THE PONIES, WRITERS! BLONDE IS WEIRD HERE!] BON-BON (Fucking BON-BON!) “raps” that the green hair fell out because “she came down with the mumps” and her family is now quarantined.
Wow. (FUCKING) BON-BON knows a big word!
Melody “raps” that Dazzle has a boyfriend and he’s the singer for the Cleveland Bays. OH. OHHH. Downtown Pony Brown is named Dazzle. Well, fuck. OUR NAME IS BETTER! Bright Eyes “raps” that the boys in class were fighting – well, one was choking the other, I AM LOOKING AT THE ANIMATION, it is dead obvious! – and caused such a commotion that “Miss Hackney misspelled a word!” OH GEE. Were suspensions involved for fighting? Because that’s what I’m more interested in.
Do I add that Miss Hackney was WRITING AN ADDITION PROBLEM ON THE CHALKBOARD AND NOT WORDS? BECAUSE THAT TOTALLY RUINS BRIGHT EYES’ “RAP”. WHO THE FUCK DIDN’T PAY ATTENTION TO THE SCRIPT, ANIMATORS?
Clover “raps” a question to Starlight, who “raps” about a ‘stuck up Pony’ who acts like she’s so smart but somehow dropped her test paper and Starlight immediately ran up and grabbed it, to find the ‘stuck up Pony’ got a D IN MATH. HORRORS.
I would mutter something about being rude and childish and sneaking looks at someone’s grades being pathetic but I think we all agree, that’s how the Annoying 6 rolls. If it’s stupid and petty and self-centered, they’re going to do it.
We get a montage of the Annoying 6 whispering in each others’ ears until Melody picks up a cordless phone (HOW DO HOOVES WORK) and calls… Clover? to tell her more gossip, until Clover holds out the phone to the viewer, as the Annoying 6 sing about juicy gossip. Oh, my bad, they RAP about juicy gossip.
Sigh.
“Oh I’m in my glory when I hear a juicy story, so long as it’s not about me!”
Well, if ever a line summed up a fucking episode plot, it’s that one. [Dove: I’m overwhelmed by this story, because I’m also recapping Sweet Valley High at the moment, and it’s the same story over there, over and over and over again. I’m so bored of this story, why is it so prevalent?]
We transition out with a fade and a sound effect, as Patch points out that Sweetheart has not told a story, ie she has not spilled gossip. OH, I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE BECAUSE SWEETHEART ISN’T A FUCKING ASSHAT LIKE THE REST OF YOU?
For some reason, Sweetheart has taken on a blue tint.
She admits she never tells stories about people. You mean PONIES, right, Sweetheart? She mentions she has a story about her baby sister, Sugar. Oh god, they’re not even trying again. REMEMBER BABY PONY? Everypony waits with baited breath. Sweetheart says Sugar looks so silly when she sleeps and sucks on her hoof.
Melody snidely asks if that’s the juiciest story Sweetheart can tell. She and (FUCKING) BON-BON look like absolute asshats, to the point that even Bright Eyes is concerned.
Never mind, Bright Eyes is immediately infected with the snide bitchy tone and demands a story about Teddy. Melody chimes in that Sweetheart must have “something on that bully”. [Dove: By what metric is he a bully? As I’ve said, I’m recapping Sweet Valley, and I’ve watched all levels of spiteful fuckwittery be passed off as “it just a joke, bro”, but here we have it in reverse. Basically, they don’t like Teddy, and he, as far as I can tell, just doesn’t care for them. Doesn’t love them or hate them, just simply doesn’t care either way. He likes Sweetheart, and he shows up when his buddy, Ace, wants to watch Melody act, but he has no personal investment in the Annoying 6. That is absolutely not bullying. He just isn’t interested in you. At all. And when you snipe at him, he snipes back, because he is a child. That isn’t bullying.] [bat: Louder, for the back of the room. THIS ISN’T ACTUAL BULLYING.]
I HATE ALL THESE PONIES EXCEPT SWEETHEART.
Patch dismisses Teddy being a bully by saying he’s a scaredy cat and probably has to go home and cuddle with – she literally struggles to decide what object to say while cuddling a fucking wig – a teddy bear. Real original. Every pony starts laughing – except Sweetheart I’m assuming – and Melody chimes in that if he told anyone it would trash his rep as a ‘tough guy’.
Look. Without naming names I knew someone who had a huge stuffed Alvin (as in the Chipmunk) and was terrified that I would tell everyone. Which I did not. Until 30 some years later in this recap. (We are no longer associates and haven’t been for decades, the statute of limitations is long over.) So yes, this is a legit trope from real life.
Patch laughs and says it’s a pretty good joke, Sweetheart? And Sweetheart instantly gives herself away by the awkward silence and shocked expression. Uh oh, Teddy has a teddy! POOR INNOCENT SWEETHEART WHO IS NOTHING BUT LOVING AND PURE, YOU ASSHATS SHOULD BE ASHAMED. Patch immediately figures it out and is gasping in shock, asking to confirm that Teddy really does have a teddy bear.
[Dove: Here, I made a gif for you:
] [bat: OOOH, I love it! Thank you, Dove!]
Sweetheart blushes and stammers that she promised not to tell. Patch screams and leaps into the air at the confirmation, but Sweetheart stammers more, saying she didn’t confirm. Yes, you did, Sweetheart, you pure being of love.
Immediately the Annoying 6 are up and dancing while chanting about Teddy’s teddy bear. Ugh. Sweetheart stares in shock. SOMEHOW ACE WANDERS IN TO THE SALON. “He does?” he cries, before stating he’s going to inform Lance. GOD DAMN IT ARE ALL THESE PONIES ASSHATS?
Sweetheart begs Ace not to say anything, tries to convince him the Annoying 6 are just joking around. Poor Sweetheart. Ace makes a weird sports analogy and we fade to black.
That was weird.
We resume on a line of soccer balls on the pitch. (LOOK! I KNOW SPORTS!) Lancer is goalie and calls good luck to Teddy, who is apparently practicing soccer goals (or football, for the Europeans.) For some inane reason, Teddy runs on all four hooves before standing like a human and kicking the ball with a back hoof. WHY.
The ball sails through the air and Lancer misses it, as Teddy scores a goal. WHY IS THERE STILL SIX MINUTES TO GO IN THIS EPISODE. WHY DOES THE TORMENT NEVER END.
Teddy awkwardly (read: we just repeated the animation over and over) dances and laughs at Lancer, calling him “so lame”. Yeah, that’s pretty typical for late elementary/middle school boys. Out of NO WHERE, Ace is there, twirling a soccer ball on his hoof (HOW DO HOOVES WORK) and taunting Teddy that Lancer doesn’t need a teddy bear. Teddy is caught off guard and utters “HUH?”
“Teddy has a teddy bear??” Lancer taunts. Teddy immediately goes on the defensive, screaming “SHUT UP I DO NOT” which, kids, instantly confirms yes, yes you do have a teddy bear. Ace and Lancer sing a chanting taunt as Teddy launches himself at the other two Ponies, until all three are beating each other up in a convenient cloud of dirt. So much $$$ saved on animation! Teddy eventually takes two soccer balls and leaves, as Lancer and Ace are still laughing.
We cut to an establishing shot of a house. I have a question: who decided the Ponies have homes? Especially houses that look like human homes? With driveways and expensive concrete retaining walls and basketball hoops above the garage door and chimneys and apple (?) trees in the front yard? Ponies have some of the grandest homes I’ve ever seen. But how they afford them, let alone how they know how to build them or what they should look like baffles me. [Dove: Why do they have cars? How does that work?]
How fucking much did Megan describe of the human world to these Ponies in order for this to happen?? [Dove: Ooooh. You’ve just put more thought into the canon of MLP pre-FiM than any other human being in Hasbro. So basically, this timeline is working on Galaxy Quest rules? Megan said, “We have cars and chimneys and basketball hoops” and the ponies learned how to make them?] [bat: Yes, without photographs or construction knowledge oranything, the Ponies have completely recreated Earth and human habitats, food, and society. I love the Galaxy Quest reference, too. Though the Ponies are stupid compared to the Thermians.]
We get a weird conversational exchange between Teddy and his Mother, who asks if everything is all right? He tells her to leave him alone as he… smashes his face into his pillow. Oh, no wait, he just lifts it and pulls out the teddy bear hidden under it. He nuzzles his face into the bear’s stomach as he asks the bear what he’s going to do, while crying. He entrusted Sweetheart with his “secret” and Teddy immediately suspects she blabbed it. OKAY HOLD UP SWEETHEART, OUR BELOVED SAINT OF A PONY, DEFENDED YOUR ASS AGAINST THE WHOLE CLASS WHO WANTED TO GET YOU SUSPENDED, TEDDY. HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE HER OF GOSSIPING YOUR SECRET.
Oddly, we never see Teddy’s mother. In a cost saving measure, we hear a knock at the bedroom door and a female voice say that “little friend” Sweetheart is there to see Teddy. Huh.
Out in the back yard, or maybe it’s the side yard, based on the fact there’s that apple tree and part of the concrete retaining wall… anyway, Sweetheart and Teddy are outside, as Teddy accuses her of being a backstabbing secret spill-er. He yells he had one secret in the world and Sweetheart told everyone. Sweetheart, her head down, tries to explain that it’s really Patch’s fault for making up stories, but Teddy interrupts and says she blabbed his secret. I’m distracted by the weird patch of hair sprouting around Teddy’s tail. Do you see it too, Dove? [Dove: My real-life Shetland pony had the same thing, it’s quite common. I was told it was because she scratched her bum against the fence, but since I never once saw her do that in the decades that I owned her, I think it’s more likely because the hair breaks because it’s too long and heavy. I think at least two of my MLPs have it too, but that’s from the vigorous brushing that small children do when they’re super into it, but not particularly coordinated and think brute strength is the best approach.] [bat: It makes sense Teddy wouldn’t be into proper mane and tail care. He is sporting a mullet.]
Teddy kicks the tree in anger and most of its apples drop on top of him, knocking him to the ground. Sweetheart starts laughing, swearing she’s not laughing at Teddy, who storms off after saying Sweetheart is no longer his friend. [Dove: Sweetheart, we stan you, but it wasn’t that funny. I’ll give you a pass because if I stop loving you, I hate everything about this show. So let’s just say you were really upset about the argument and it caused you to nervously giggle uncontrollably when you saw the apples fall.]
BACK OVER AT THE SODA FOUNTAIN SLASH HAIR SALON (this still makes my stomach twist in disgust) the Annoying 6 are gathered at the counter, where Starlight admits she didn’t know Teddy would feel so bad since he always acts tough. (FUCKING) BON-BON, who is talking while eating ice cream, ponders that maybe the Annoying 6 should help Teddy.
Sorry, I just died from (FUCKING) BON-BON being insightful and empathetic.
Starlight asks how they can make Teddy feel better. I DON’T KNOW. Y’ALL RAPPING ABOUT GOSSIPING LEAD TO PATCH MAKING UP A STORY ABOUT A TEDDY BEAR WHICH SWEETHEART INADVERTENTLY CONFIRMED AND THEN IT WAS LEAKED TO ACE WHO WAS AN ASSHOLE ABOUT IT AND TEASED TEDDY WHILE TELLING LANCER. There, I summed up the whole damn episode in a run on sentence.
Bright Eyes points out that as long as Ace and Lancer continue to tease Teddy, it won’t change. We are shown Sweetheart, looking forlorn while sitting at the end of the counter, her ice cream untouched. She suddenly exclaims she has an extra special idea.
“But it will only work if Bright Eyes and Melody can get Ace and Lancer to baby sit a bunch of Baby Ponies.”
Oh no. No. Not more bay-bee-tawk. Please. Not that. (Also, wouldn’t (FUCKING) BON-BON’s family work? She has three younger siblings? Did the writers just forget?)
We transition over to the soccer pitch, where Ace and Lancer are playing. Into the frame appears Melody’s and Bright Eyes’ legs. I will give points where due, since they are in the foreground and the boy Ponies are in the background but Ace and Lancer still look like ants. Effort was made.
Lancer kicks the pass into the goal and Melody and Bright Eyes cheer. Okay. I guess we’re going for ‘buttering them up’ before asking. (Them jumping would be a hilarious gif, Dove.) Lancer and Ace are shocked; Lancer notes that neither have ever come to watch them practice soccer before. (SHOULD BE A HUGE ASS HINT, BOYS.)
Bright Eyes notes they need the boys’ skill and knowledge. HA HA HA. “For a very dangerous mission!” Melody adds. For some reason Ace bows and Lancer doesn’t but of them are fucking hyped for this job. Idiots.
We move on to another OUTDOOR ESTABLISHING SHOT of yet another Pony home. My god, these Ponies live in McMansions. WHAT KIND OF INCOME ARE THEIR PARENTS MAKING?? [Dove: Maybe we should be jealous of an economy that values a nurse so highly she can afford a detached house with three bedrooms easily. Well, I don’t know what Bon-Bon’s parents do (Mel’s mum is a nurse), but imagine if everyone on minimum or low wages could afford to live in a such a nice house in a nice area. *cries*] We hear a LOT of screaming and noise, made by childish voices. Brace yourself, Dove, bay-bee-tawk ahoy.
Ace and Lancer are standing in the doorway of a room, and Ace is questioning why the “dangerous mission” is babysitting a bunch of “out of control baby Ponies”???
Yes. Yes it is. Melody coyly sidles up to Ace and says yes, she’d call it dangerous, while basically flirting with him. She is interrupted by squealing and screaming, as one of the triplets – well, I don’t know how else to identify them? They are all drawn in the same colours and we know Ting & Jing are yellow bodied, not white bodied – is standing on a rocking chair which begins to rock, sending her flying into the air. Ace leaps in and catches baby Sugar (well, at least it’s a name) but steps on a toy car and falls, throwing baby Sugar into the air, where she is caught by Lancer.
I’m so close to the end of this recap I am not going to waste time looking but I don’t quite remember… was there ever baby Pony triplets? I feel like maybe yes? Oh fuck it. *spends 10 minutes googling* Nope, only twins as far as I can see. Ironic since REAL WORLD HORSES aren’t supposed to carry twins to term yet these PONIES WHO HAVE ZERO MAGIC have fucking triplets. [Dove: That aren’t even backed up by the merch. What the fuck?]
We move to Lancer making jet noises while one of the triplets rides on his shoulders, as Ace wears a black ghost (?) costume to scare the other two, until one triplet shoves both front hooves in a convenient bucket of paint and slaps it all over Ace’s face. The other twin tries to throw a bucket of paint on Ace but there is no splash so SOMEONE forgot to add in the paint? ANIMATION FAIL. THERE IS TOO MUCH BAY-BEE-TAWK and I refuse to translate, they’re screeching too much and I hate it.
Through the window, Sweetheart watches. Bright Eyes appears and Sweetheart gives a long worded statement to the effect that “the plan fucking worked”. I would wonder if Sweetheart was a descendant of Wind Whistler but we all know how that ended, so… maybe not? [Dove: She means this. This is how it went for Wind Whistler.] [bat: That damn story is now officially my head canon. And it keeps me up at night, sometimes, thinking about it.]
Ace and Lancer are having an excellent time babysitting, so Melody and Bright Eyes up the ante and bring in bottles and baby Pony food. The triplets immediately react in disgust. Bright Eyes tries to give Peaches (so, that’s baby Sugar and baby Peaches so far) (wait, these are Sweetheart’s sisters? Triplet sisters???) a bottle but she squawks that “baby food yucky!”
Melody and Bright Eyes announce the boy Ponies will have to show the triplets how it’s done, the boys yelling that they have to eat baby food, while the girls put a bib on Ace while Lancer gets a baby bonnet. “It is essential that you wear baby clothes,” Bright Eyes points out. I should add, both are covered in paint and glitter, courtesy the triplets. I know where this is going. I’m not sure how it’s akin to have a secret teddy bear but whatever, Sweetheart came up with this plan so I support it.
Both boys begin to laugh, as they are both wearing baby bonnets and bibs. The girls place bottles in front of them. The triplets challenge the boys: they’ll drink their milk if the boys do. Ace agrees, so long as Lancer does as well. I think that was the point, boys? The bottle drinking contest commences. [Dove: If you showed the above picture without context to someone, would they even know the creatures were ponies and not something like the Wuzzles? This animation is foul. I miss ponies. And magic. And, by this point, even blasted Megan and her white girl saviour role.] [bat: Agreed. We had it so good and took it for granted. Also, I had most of the Wuzzles in stuffed form at one point. I loved that fucking cartoon so much. Yet I can barely remember any episodes now.]
Melody congratulates them, as they got the baby triplets to drink their milk. Ace points out if anyone found out, they’re “reputations would be ruined forever”. I’m not sure that’s how that works, Ace. Okay, maybe in the 1990s? Or maybe now, in the current world society, could this be potentially used as blackmail.
Suddenly, there is a bright flash as Sweetheart appears in the doorway with a Polaroid camera, snapping a photo of the boys. And she mentions not saying a word, since a photo is worth a thousand words. Or something. Also suddenly, Teddy walks in laughing, taking the photo from Sweetheart and cackling that Ace and Lancer are the most photogenic baby Ponies he’s ever seen.
Ace and Lancer are suddenly horrified, Ace saying the girls “made them do it”. Uh huh. They panic. Teddy mentions them wearing diapers but THERE ARE NO DIAPERS. WHAT THE FUCK. The boys rip off the bonnets and bibs, as they argue that they really did hear a story about how Teddy had a teddy bear. Teddy points out he has photographic proof of Ace and Lancer dressed as babies drinking from bottles.
There is some ass kissing, ego stroking, and negotiations that no one will bring up Teddy’s teddy again and Teddy rips up the Polaroid photo of Ace and Lancer. They immediately forget what has happened and Teddy invites the other boys to play soccer.
Sweetheart wanders into the shot and Teddy says they’re pals again. You screamed at her and physically kicked a tree in anger but yeah, she’s just totally forgiven you, Teddy. Ugh.
We end with Teddy in bed, talking to his teddy. That’s not a euphemism. He notes his “secret” is safe (not it’s not) and he’s going to have to let teddy spend some time with Sweetheart. Why? He thinks she’s the kind of girl you “could really get to like.” As he tucks in the teddy bear.
FADE TO BLACK.
Final Thoughts:
So we attempted a life lesson – gossiping causes problems, hurts feelings, and spreads half-truths as well as lies – but we severely botched the landing by teaching children blackmailing people is awesome. GREAT JOB, TEAM!
How come Dove gets the episodes where it’s more boring than watching paint dry and I get the drama episodes with botched life lessons? Although, to be fair, Dove got “it’s nut time” and the mystery “white honey”, so… Nothing in this series is good. Except Sweetheart.
I don’t know what more I could say about this episode that I didn’t already in the recap. It does feel like the cartoon is hitting its stride, attempting life lessons after having sort of set up the characters generically. We’re well established that Melody is an asshat, (FUCKING) BON-BON is self-centered and a bit dim, Starlight is generally level headed and the unofficial leader, Sweetheart is our patron saint, Patch and Clover are kind of idiots, and Bright Eyes, well, Bright Eyes is an activist/environmentalist.
I’ll be generous and give this one a C-, because it was watchable from the point of ‘well, there’s a story line?’ and it involved more than just the Annoying 6. Also, SOMEONE EXPLAIN PONY HOMES TO ME.
For fun, I was thinking, did we ever discuss our favorite/perfect colour combos on a Pony? I know we discussed our cutie marks in a previous episode, and we may have done this during ‘N Friends, but I can’t remember anything else. For me, I have a lot of ‘oh yes I love that combo or I have good/excellent memories of that particular Pony.” If I was picking a perfect combo Pony, I would pick Tropical Breeze – the blue body and red hair is perfect, even if she’s a Flutter Pony. (Ironically the flamingo cutie mark works; my mother collects tacky flamingos, so there’s a familial connection.) Now that I think about it, maybe I connect with the Flutter Ponies more since I’m rather pocket-sized in statue and would totally want wings.
[Dove: Well, that was definitely a thing that happened. I can see where they’re going with the moral life lessons – He-Man was doing the same thing a decade ago. They’re just not particularly well executed, as bat says. This story would have been better if the instigators had been gossiping, then the gossip had turned on them, e.g. the boys saw them dancing around and it got around that they were still playing dress-up and make-believe like babies, or something, and they realised that gossip isn’t fun when it’s about you. It rankles that the Annoying 6 just seem to breeze past a life lesson, but they don’t have to learn it the hard way. It’s a C- from me as well.
My favourite pony of all time is Strawberry Fair aka Sugarberry. I love the contrast of her white body, twice as fancy cutie mark, and that bold red hair – the same shade as bat’s favourite. Here is a page of my favourites in my collection. Generally with G1, I love a simple white base, and then bold colours – I particularly like the Gusty with a glitter symbol. When it comes to Gen 3, I tend to like the yellow ponies with rainbow manes/tails. Also, this has finally reminded me: bat, I bought you a copy of Gypsy when you said you couldn’t find her in the USA. I understand that you’ll have to rename her when she gets to you, because that word is a slur in your country (but not in mine, I’m not some evil slur-using harpy – that’s an official and chosen term here by the people in question). But yes, once I locate her, remind me of your address and I’ll send her over to you.]
[bat: Oh my gosh, really, Dove? Thank you so much! It’s funny, when I was looking through the baby Ponies I somehow came across Gypsy randomly and thought, ‘I never had her, did I? Do I have her and can’t remember?’ and now you say you found me a copy, so clearly I heard your thoughts! Clearly you were telling me, yes, you do own her, you just didn’t know it yet! So thank you, again! I have some things I need to send you, so we’ll have to do a mailing address exchange.]
On that note, until my next recap, which I will be starting… right… now…
