Title: Too Sick To Notice

Summary: Bon-Bon is the middle child in a large Pony family. Bon-Bon thinks faking illness will get her all the attention she craves. There are consequences to this self-centered and selfish behavior, but of course, Bon-Bon learns NOTHING.

Grade: D-

Initial Thoughts:

Uggggggggghhhhhhhhh. Welcome to the B story of the first episode of My Little Pony Tales. Since the slumber party was relatively tame, is this where the shenanigans start? Sure, we had “It’s nut time!” but that feels like a crystallization of 1990s culture in a sentence. This series can only go down from here. I wish I was ‘too sick’ to recap this, but I chose this episode, so… cue the next six hours of torture while I attempt to recap an 12 minute cartoon.

And of course, Dove’s beloved bay-bee-tawk returns… so now Ponies walk on their hind legs and talk annoyingly.

I know we’re a long ways away from even thinking about recapping G4, but did FiM ever make any references to this series, Dove? I only watched it on a cursory level, so I am not as familiar with all the callbacks and references as you may be. [Dove: I was thinking about it. Lyra Heartstrings sits on benches like these ponies do, as if she walks upright. Oh, and her bestie/wife is Bon Bon. Does that count?]

Anyway, if the A story was lame, well, the B story makes up for it by being genuinely awful. Settle in for a terrible recap. You’ve been warned. BRING ON BON-BON.

Recap:

I can’t tell which theme song I hate more. I have to give credit to this version, since it tells a story and introduces the main characters as well as gives them some substance. It is just as bad of an ear worm as the original theme song, though it will fade from my brain far faster then the OG theme. [Future bat: I am literally being tortured by it running through my head AS I TYPE THIS ASIDE, weeks after the fact, so apparently it does not fade FAST ENOUGH.]

We open on Bon-Bon sitting at a dressing table, getting ready. Um, for as many clothing accessory packs that the original toy line sold, these Ponies are literally walking around “naked”. I guess you can say Bon-Bon is, I dunno, dressing her mane? She’s wearing a fascinator or something like that in her mane. Or hair. HOW HUMAN ARE THESE PONIES SUPPOSED TO BE??

Two smaller Ponies wander in to the frame. Please note they are SMALLER than Bon-Bon, indicating they are younger siblings. The female sibling asks Bon-Bon what she’s doing. [bat: WE’RE ALL ASKING THAT VERY QUESTION.] Bon-Bon pats the younger female sibling on the head with a powder puff and gets up from the dresser, walking like a human. Bon-Bon says father is taking her to the cinema today. Uh huh. Suddenly a huge sneeze rattles the house and blows Bon-Bon’s hair back and physically lifts her off the floor.

Oh, and the MIRROR CRACKS. (Also, the stuffed MY LITTLE PONY on Bon-Bon’s bookcase should be mentioned. Creepy. Didn’t we see a stuffed Pony toy in G1, Dove?) [Dove: I can’t remember. My brain is now filled with the excitement fandom had seeing toys of the Mane 6 on the Gen 5 promo images. Or the Megan toy found in a claw machine in an Equestria Girls special.]

“Wow, what was that??” Bon-Bon asks. It sounds like the house is coming apart. The younger siblings WALK out of the room with no urgency, even though the female sibling screams “Come on!” at the top of her lungs. Entering the hall, feathers are floating everywhere. Pictures or paintings on the walls are hanging at crooked angles. I guess this is supposed to denote the damages caused by the sneezing?

Entering a smaller room, we see somepony attempting to sweep the feathers up. The pony’s cutie mark? It’s a coiled up garden hose with two drops of water spraying from the nozzle. Oh my god, seriously. We pan over to a Pony rocking in a rocking chair, holding a baby Pony. The older female is drawn to look absolutely wrecked in the face. Wow.

PLEASE WATCH AS THE BABY PONY MAGICALLY SHIFTS SIZE REPEATEDLY THROUGHOUT THE EPISODE WITH NO RHYME OR REASON. HOW DOES SIZE WORK. CONTINUITY MATTERS!

The baby Pony sneezes again, violently. The mother remarks on this. The baby has now shrunk a quarter of its previous size from three frames ago. Bon-Bon and her younger siblings stare, then manage to duck, as a feather pillow comes flying at their heads as the baby sneezes yet again. Um, where did the pillow come from??

“What’s going on?” Bon-Bon whines, shaking feathers from her mane… hair?

Father Pony laughs and says it looks like the baby got her, too. Now mother Pony is smaller and baby Pony is so small you barely even notice him in mother Pony’s arms. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ANIMATORS.

“Why’s he ‘sploding?” younger female sibling Pony asks in a parody of the bay-bee-tawk Dove and I love SO MUCH. Father corrects her, saying he’s sneezing because he is sick. Baby Pony is now tinier then he was in the beginning of the episode, so he must be sneezing himself out of existence. IMAGINE THAT PLOT. I WANT THAT PLOT.

Bon-Bon shows a modicum of concern, but Father Pony assures her the baby will recover, then jokes that the nursery might not. Uh huh. Just like the baby Pony, the size and layout of the nursery changes **magically** from frame to frame!

Satisfied, Bon-Bon asks if they can still go to the cinema. Father Pony blows a feather from her mane… hair? and says no, no they can’t. He has to pretend to be Balto and go get the baby Pony some medicine. Bon-Bon stammers that she was promised. Father Pony says no, he has to make sure baby Pony gets well. It’s not like you don’t have don’t have five other children including Bon-Bon, sir.

I have a feeling Bon-Bon’s parents are prolific breeders. Are they part of the Quiverfull movement? No wonder the mother Pony looks so aged in that frame. Oh, and for purposes that it’s just easier to do it now than wait until the episode introduces them, here are their names: Bon-Bon (middle child), Amber (youngest daughter; lollipop cutie mark), Twink (?????? what the fuck; younger son; yellow star cutie mark), Misty (eldest daughter; blue analog telephone cutie mark) [Dove: OMG, she’s a daughter? I thought she was the nanny! And how do their cutie marks relate to their names?] [bat: Short answer? They don’t.], Rusty (oldest son; baseball bat & ball cutie mark); Father (green garden hose cutie mark), and Mother (piece of cake cutie mark). I want to discuss the Incredible Sneezing Baby and his cutie mark further along during the recap. [Dove: Also, bat’s not being clueless or lazy here, the baby pony’s name is “Baby Pony”. That’s right. They didn’t name him, but used his descriptor as his name. As for the parents… I’m sure they have names, but since they’re not easily identifiable / might not be in the toy line and are not named, we’ve got no clue.]

Also, Father Pony is suddenly GINORMOUS, his face FILLING the frame. HOW DOES SIZE WORK.

We fade into the next scene, where Mother Pony is holding a larger, comparatively normal sized Baby Pony, who sneezes normally. CONSISTENCY, WHERE ARE YOU. They’re in the living room. For some reason the Ponies own a TV. And, whoa, a VCR? HOW DO THEY PUT TAPES IN?? WITH THEIR MOUTHS??? Bon-Bon races into the living room and jumps in the chair, squeezing her Mother over, before dumping out a satchel. She asks in a whiny tone for her Mother to braid her hair. WELL I GUESS THAT ANSWERS THAT, IT’S HAIR, NOT A MANE.

Mother Pony points out that although she’d love to (LIES DETECTED) she can’t very well do so and “cradle Baby Pony at the same time” which she demonstrates by nuzzling the Baby Pony under her chin. Huh. So we’ve done a complete 180 from the demonstrably utter lack of parenting that G1 / My Little Pony ‘N Friends displayed the Ponies as to ACTUAL PARENTING that is being portrayed by G2 / My Little Pony Tales. Has Hell frozen over?

Mother suggests Bon-Bon ask Misty. Bon-Bon is put out but gathers her hair accessories. In the kitchen, we find Misty, the eldest teenage daughter of the family, who is pouring milk (?) into a measuring cup while sticking out her tongue. “MISTY, MISTY, MISTY!” Bon-Bon screams. She doesn’t get an answer straight away so she pulls her sister’s tail hard, causing Misty’s measurements to be wrong.

Yeah, Bon-Bon is on my shit list and is now entirely irredeemable to me.

Misty scolds her sister, saying now she has to start all over. Bon-Bon issues a throw away apology, Misty shushes her, saying she has to concentrate. Bon-Bon counters she has to have someone do her hair. Misty says she has to help with Baby Pony, “he is sick, you know!” Bon-Bon defaults to asking Rusty to play a game with her. WHAT ABOUT DOING YOUR HAIR, YOU DIM WITTED TWAT.

Rusty is in the… other half of the kitchen, doing laundry. Or more, he is under a pile of laundry and pokes his head out, scaring Bon-Bon. To me, this is weird. Americans typically have a separate space for their laundry, although not all, or at least it’s not right in the kitchen. Europe seems to have more in common with this version of Ponies, having the washer in the kitchen. Am I wrong, Dove? Why do Europeans have clothing washers in their kitchens? MAKE ME UNDERSTAND. [Dove: In the UK, the default is the kitchen. Because… uh, well, that’s where the water is. Some people do have a utility room – I’m lucky enough to be one of them, but that’s the exception, not the rule.]

Anyway, Bon-Bon continues to be an arsehole, wagging her ass like a dog before jumping into the laundry pile like a child jumps into a freshly collected pile of Fall leaves. You couldn’t make me hate a character more at this point. Rusty scolds his younger sister, saying he is trying to help Mother and we hear the same refrain: “Baby Pony is sick, you know!” Who is the main character of this episode: Bon-Bon or the sickly, magically size-changing Baby Pony???

Rusty complains he has to sort all over again, just like Misty. Firstly. WHY THE HELL DID YOU DUMP CLEAN LAUNDRY ON THE FLOOR? OR WAS IT CLEAN?? Secondly: YOU WERE HIDING IN IT, RUSTY. YOU MADE THE UNSORTED MESS FIRST. Fuck, Rusty is making me defend Bon-Bon.

Rusty yells at Bon-Bon to go play in her room. Wow, each Pony has their own room in the house? HOW BIG IS THIS HOUSE?? Oh wait, I forgot, rooms **conveniently** change size per need. (Nor do the rooms have doors, what the fuck?) Bon-Bon mutters to herself, asking how does one sick Baby Pony get this much attention and how she is sick of Baby Pony being sick! HOW DARE HE.

The transition to the next scene made me think this was to a fantasy dream sequence but no, it’s just the episode’s song. Ugh. Please enjoy HOW TERRIBLE A Little Attention IS.

(Yes, it is the full episode, but I have skipped directly to the song’s time code for you.)

Bon-Bon sings about the woes of someone else receiving all the attention, even if they’re “sick” or “have the flu”. Well, which one is it? If it’s just a cold, eh, but if Baby Pony has the flu, that’s quite a bit more serious. We see Mother Pony running around in a sweat, panicking, while Misty continues to… I guess fill bottles with formula? Bon-Bon fake faints and sings about how no one notices. For some reason, Bon-Bon stares angrily at a photo of herself, a photo in which she looks like a stuck up snob, and I am just genuinely confused at how these animators are handling DEPICTIONS OF EMOTION.

Oh, since it passed during the song, I’ll insert my fore mentioned discussion of Baby Pony’s cutie mark here. For some reason, he takes after Father Pony and has what I can only describe as an oil can for a cutie mark. I guess that goes along with a garden hose spraying water drops, although oil is used to prevent rust caused by water… THERE IS A LOT OF HIDDEN CONNOTATIONS IN THESE CUTIE MARKS. But that doesn’t explain why the other two sons have cutie marks that do not fall into the same category. Rusty is a baseball bat & ball, meaning he is athletic? Twink… well, Twink has a gold star. I am not even going to comment on that.

In context, Misty’s analog telephone only makes sense before the advent of cellphones. Teenagers were known to tie up home land lines for hours. Now, children don’t call people, they text. [Dove: Apparently not. My friend says the kids on her team Snapchat her now and think she’s old for texting.] [bat: That makes me positively ancient then.] So Misty is woefully out of date. Imagine Misty now, trying to explain her cutie mark to Ponies of the 21st century. And Amber (there was a baby Amber in G1, was there not?? Wasn’t she the mail-in baby Pony? I swear I had several of those [Dove: three versions.].) has a stupid lollipop, which is such a throwaway cutie mark [Dove: With those colours and that mark, she looks like Italian Tootsie (a Nirvana I nearly bought 100 times and never did, and now I’m kicking myself after the price hike).]. I guess it sort of falls in line with her Mother Pony having a piece of cake cutie mark and Bon-Bon and her piece of candy surrounded by confetti cutie mark. DID ANYONE THINK TO PLAN THIS OUT BETTER TO SHOW FAMILIAL COHESION?? NO? DIDN’T THINK SO.

[Dove: Here’s an idea: Bon Bon’s mother is Tutti-Fruitti (yellow with green hair), her father is Trucker, (blue with blue hair, none of the boys are food-related), her sister is Cherry Berry/Crunch Berry (pink with yellow hair, also: scented), her younger brother is Baby Racer (yellow with blue hair and a cutie mark that relates to his dad’s) and her younger twins are literally any of the Newborn Twins, since their cutie marks are all about being adorable, not food. I did that in 10 minutes, and I’m not even writing a TV show about it. It’s pretty easy to group them by colour/cutie mark theme.]

Bon-Bon, still singing, fills the room with spray deodorizer, creating a huge cloud of it, in which the image of Mother Pony cradling Baby Pony (WHO IS TINY YET AGAIN) appears. Is Bon-Bon hallucinating? She whines about how she wants attention, yet again, and I am going to stab a pen into my ear canal. [Dove: This is terrifying.]

And so, Bon-Bon decides she will pretend to be sick to get her parents’ attention. THIS WOULD NOT HAVE WORKED WITH THE G1 MOTHER PONIES. Will it work with the more progressive G2 parents?? [Dove: They’re not G2, they’re wave 2 of G1. Unless you mean the cartoon iteration is G2, but now I’m just confusing things.]

Fading back in, Bon-Bon walks into the kitchen and begins to cough. At first there is no reaction. (Also, this footage was totally used for the song sequence. REUSING ANIMATION ALREADY!? I CALL SHENANIGANS!) Suddenly, Mother asks if someone coughed! Father agrees he heard it, too. Misty says it wasn’t her, Rusty says it wasn’t him. Bon-Bon dramatically puts hoof to forehead and moans that she thinks it was her. Cue dramatic moaning and stomach holding. Which is hard to do when you have hooves and not hands. REAL HORSES DO NOT BEND THAT WAY.

Bon-Bon adds some more dramatic coughing. Rusty asks her what’s going on, apparently not having heard a single word Bon-Bon spoke. Misty did, though, and asks if Bon-Bon is okay. Bon-Bon screws up her answer, confirming she is all right, before saying no, she’s ill! SHE’S SICK AND NEEDS IMMEDIATE ATTENTION, SO SICK IN FACT THAT SHE JUMPS AND LANDS ON HER BACK, COMPLETE WITH SOUND EFFECTS.

Every other Pony stands over her, Mother and Father noting she looks pale and feels warm. Wait, I did not see you touch her and Bon-Bon is bright fucking yellow. Bon-Bon looked like she’s got the worst form of jaundice! Misty declares that Bon-Bon is sick, too; Bon-Bon agrees.

We watch Father Pony literally carry Bon-Bon into the living room while walking on his back legs like a human. THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE. He places Bon-Bon on the couch, plumping her pillow. Mother Pony runs in and tucks a blanket around Bon-Bon. Misty offers to read her stories, since she has finished with the Baby Pony’s bottles. Father Pony, who apparently has more brain cells than I want to give him credit for, winkingly notes he needs to make a special trip to the store for “medicine” for Bon-Bon. Also, the animators can’t decide if he has a short hair comb over or a proper mane. I mean, HAIR. PROPER HUMAN HAIR.

Mother tends to Bon-Bon, who can’t answer the simplest of questions about her illness. Mother is either so frazzled and worn out she’s buying this, or letting her daughter lie until she’s caught. I honestly can’t tell. Father Pony seems to have figured everything out already.

The phone rings and Bon-Bon rockets off the couch to answer. She skids to a stop, moaning, when she realizes her deception has been broken. Mother and Misty look shocked. Mother immediately yells, asking if Bon-Bon should be running around (NO. NO SHE SHOULDN’T, IF SHE WAS ACTUALLY SICK, YOU BINT) and Bon-Bon walks back towards the couch while Misty answers. It’s Starlight, asking if Bon-Bon can go to the cinema. Misty regretfully informs her that no, Bon-Bon can’t, she’s “sick in bed”. Bon-Bon looks entirely incensed that she is being denied a fun time in favor of being treated for a fake illness. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LIE, BON-BON.

The phone rings again (after remaining utterly silent, now we’re up to 2 phone calls right in a row??) and this time it’s Patch asking if Bon-Bon can go rollerskating. (A hearty BUY OUR MERCH just for the memories, since there was a rollerskating ensemble for G1, which I totally had… or might still own… I don’t know.) Misty informs Patch that Bon-Bon is “really sick” and has barely hung up the receiver when the phone rings for a third time.

It’s Melody! No, not Medley, bat. Seriously, though, my child brain locked the green Pegasus in as Melody and now I am bitterly disappointed. I have vague memories of my mother trying to correct this knowledge but me ignoring her. ANYWAY. Bon-Bon sighs and rolls her eyes, positing that Melody is inviting her to another concert. Well, sure enough, yes, but not only is it a ticket to the Cleveland Bays (…seriously?) but also a backstage pass. Um, WHY ARE TEN YEAR OLDS SCORING BACKSTAGE PASSES TO ROCK CONCERTS? I HAVE SERIOUS QUESTIONS. [Dove: Not a good idea.]

Bon-Bon nods but then throws herself back upon the pillow, hoof to forehead in dramatic illness pose, and suddenly her head is as large as her body WTAF. Misty says Bon-Bon is sure going to miss out and Bon-Bon mutters that she is going to be sick.

Insert consequences here.

Also, why wouldn’t Misty – who I am assuming is a teen Pony, or at least older than 10 year old Bon-Bon – take the chance at a ticket and a backstage pass? I mean, beyond the sticky fact that she is being a responsible older sibling and helping care for the younger siblings and helping out her parents. Why let that get in the way of partying with the Cleveland Bays?? (And I am not talking about the breed of horse.)

Father Pony arrives just at that moment, walking awkwardly because he is carrying a box in one hoof (HOW) and hands it to Bon-Bon. She thinks it’s a present. It is medicine. SIDE WIPE NEXT SCENE!

We witness Amber pushing a rolling cart with a tray of drinks on top, while Twink runs from the room, carrying a tray with… more glasses of orange juice… while carrying the tray with one raised hoof… I give up trying to make this make sense. Bon-Bon is put out that it is “orange juice!?” and says she wants apple juice instead. I mean, Amber has brought four varying sized glasses of orange juice (and what I assume is a pile of napkins) and points out that it is what Bon-Bon requested. Amber has a bit of a Whizzer bent, speaking way too fucking fast. First it was bay-bee-tawk, now this? STICK WITH ONE, WRITERS.

Bon-Bon forces a coughing spell and Amber sighs, giving in. Bon-Bon is swift to recover and asks Amber to ask Twink to bring more cookies. There is the sound of a crash, leaving Amber and Twink on the ground with spilled orange juice. “Oh no, what a mess!” Bon-Bon whines.

In the kitchen, Misty has put pudding in a baby bottle. GREEN. GREEN PUDDING. I’m going to assume it’s pistachio pudding and leave it be. Mother Pony stands at the stove, stirring the contents of a pot, sighing “It’s alright, dear.” when Bon-Bon screams from the living room. Mother gallops off to see what’s the matter, Misty grateful to her parent for taking charge.

Mother exclaims at the mess Amber and Twink have made crashing into one another but NEVER MIND THAT, Father Pony and Slugger Rusty are back. They arrive home in the pouring rain, wearing yellow slicker rain hats BUT NO YELLOW SLICKERS (or, for the British in our audience, yellow macs [Dove: It’s ok. We’ve all read IT. We know a slicker. It’s a good word, to be fair.]) and walking upright awkwardly as no horse should, carrying stacks of what are supposed to be teen magazines for Bon-Bon.

As they describe the issues they have brought forth, Bon-Bon immediately complains that the copy is from last month and can they possibly return to the store for the latest issue? HOW THE FUCK IS THE LATEST ISSUE NOT IN THAT STACK OF 67 MAGAZINES THEY BROUGHT?? Bon-Bon even coughs to underscore how ill she is. That’s just about when strange dark clouds drift into frame. “What is that, smoke?” Father exclaims.

“OH NO! MY DINNER!” Mother Pony screams, before she, Rusty, and Father Pony gallop towards the kitchen. Bon-Bon is on Father’s heels, just as he turns and tells her she belongs in bed. Well, the couch, if we’re being honest, here. Bon-Bon hasn’t seen her room or bed in several scenes. And just like that, the house is probably on fucking fire but Father Pony has time to argue with Bon-Bon. Sure.

WHO CARES. Now we’re in Bon-Bon’s bedroom and she is scribbling in her diary while speaking her most inner thoughts aloud. How she is holding a pencil I cannot explain. Anyway, she says her whole family is working “so hard” because they think she is sick. “But I’m not!” Bon-Bon rages, slamming the diary shut. From the nursery, Baby Pony giggles, drawing Bon-Bon’s attention. Who left him unattended??? Also, HOW THE FUCK IS HE HOLDING THAT STUFFED SHEEP AND STANDING IN HIS CRIB AT THE SAME TIME?

Bon-Bon peeks in the nursery just in time to admit aloud she’s been a “bad baby”, watch her youngest baby brother throw the stuffed sheep to the ground (it makes a baa sound) and then tell him he “doesn’t have to rub it in.” He’s a BABY. Who is apparently well enough to throw stuffed animals and giggle. WHAT A MIRACULOUS RECOVERY.

Down in the living room, Mother Pony panics (what the fuck is her deal?) when she sees Bon-Bon isn’t on the couch. Father Pony reassures her Bon-Bon was just there, she can’t be far. Bon-Bon arrives, looking forlornly. Her parents rush over and Bon-Bon confirms she feels worse but she’s “not sick!” FATHER PONY IS IMMEDIATELY CONFUSED. I told you, he has as many working brain cells as an orange cat.

Bon-Bon confesses she was never sick and just wanted all the attention, because how dare a sick Baby Pony get ANY ATTENTION LET ALONE ALL THE ATTENTION WHEN YOU HAVE A TEN YEAR OLD DRAMA QUEEN PONY IN THE HOUSE.

Hanging her head in mock shame, Bon-Bon says she is sorry. Mother and Father Pony exchange a blank-eyed look of utter shock. “But you’re not sick! That’s good news, isn’t it?” Father Pony exclaims. I refrain from punching my screen in anger.

Instead of scolding their child, putting some perspective into her, teaching her empathy, or doing anything remotely parental… Mother Pony admits they have been busy with Baby Pony but they don’t love Bon-Bon any less! (I do; I’ve hated her since the first second, and my hatred has only grown by leaps and bounds over the last eight minutes and fifty-four seconds.) Oddly, for Ponies who walk on their hind legs and carry things like humans, Mother Pony doesn’t hug Bon-Bon like a human. She just puts her head and neck on Bon-Bon’s back in a hug-like gesture. WHAT IS IT, ANIMATORS? ARE THEY HUMAN ENOUGH OR JUST PONIES????

“You’re not cross with me?”
“Well… we’re not happy you mislead us. But we are happy you’re not sick!”

PARENTING FAIL 101. [Dove: I’m not saying this is good. But I do think it’s better than n’ Friends would’ve done with it. Remember when Baby Lickety-Split apologised for ruining the dance recital, and then every adult kept yelling at her over and over until she ran away? I mean, Baby LS sucks, so no great loss, but I just can’t see any decent messages being available until we hit FiM, and hoping for them is a lost cause.] [bat: So, basically there is no effective parenting, good or bad, until FiM. I’m not giving ‘N Friends Ponies a pass, even if they just “magically cloned” their children in a fucking magic mirror, as opposed to Tales‘ parents, you know, having children apparently the old fashioned way.]

Bon-Bon, in glee of escaping any real life lessons or punishment for her scheming, gallops around the room, announcing how she will make it up to her parents/family. She folds the blanket on the couch while saying she will care for Baby Pony, clean up the kitchen, and make their favorite dessert for dinner. And she also cleans up the empty glasses but apparently the orange juice has just soaked into the carpeting by this point.

Mother thinks it’s wonderful but before she can finish her sentence, she drops on the couch, hoof to forehead, moaning that she doesn’t feel very good. Also, is it just me or does Mother Pony totally look pregnant from the weirdly drawn angle? Father promptly joins Mother on the couch, admitting he fells unwell also. I DON’T KNOW. MAYBE GOING OUT IN A TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR NAKED EXCEPT FOR A HAT MIGHT HAVE CAUSED THAT?

A clattering noise from the kitchen draws Bon-Bon’s attention. She runs in to find Misty on the floor, baby bottles everywhere, sneezing. Strangely, Bon-Bon loads Misty onto the rolling cart and pushes (delivers?) her to the living room, where Misty continues to sneeze. HOW THE FUCK DID BON-BON JUST LIFT MISTY, WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE OLDER AND LARGER, OFF THE CART AND EASILY PLACE HER ONTO THE COUCH?

Shortly, Rusty, Amber, and Twink appear, admitting they are sick, too. Sure. Because SMALL CHILDREN AND BABIES ARE GERM FACTORIES, THAT’S WHY.

“I’ll take care of each and every one of you!” Bon-Bon exclaims. Because that’s how she’s going to get all the attention she desperately craves, by playing nurse to her family!

But first, she runs off to the nursery, to check on Baby Pony. Who is standing in his crib. A crib in which Bon-Bon deposits several pots and pans. She explains that when she was little “pots and pans was my favorite game!”

Which means all I can think of is this particular scene.

Downstairs, various family members complain or request items. Bon-Bon brings in the rolling tray with a bottle of medicine and several spoons, shoving the first dose into Misty’s mouth. She repeats with her parents, saying she knows it doesn’t taste good but it will make them feel better.

Cue the doorbell ringing!

Bon-Bon runs off to answer the door, finding Starlight with a get well bouquet. Starlight doesn’t even greet Bon-Bon, just questions “I thought you were sick?” Bon-Bon admits she’s fine now, she just needed a little attention! Cue the next round of demands from the family. Apparently the TV doesn’t have a remote? Father Pony wants the channel changed! Rusty wants more medicine; considering he hasn’t even had the first dose, I have questions! AMBER DEMANDS HER BLANKIE!

“Now I’ve got all the attention I can handle! Isn’t it great!” Bon-Bon crows to Starlight. Again, I refrain from punching my screen. Starlight, somehow, watches Bon-Bon run around the room fixing the TV station and adjusting blankets until the screen fades to black.

Final Thoughts:

This gets a big fat D minus. Why not a F? Well, it’s still too early for me to be entirely failing an episode of this series. Can it get worse? Yes. Will it get worse? Most likely. So to be just two segments in, I feel like the show could surprise me and teach a life lesson properly or it could be just like G1 and fuck up the landing yet again.

Bon-Bon is immediately unlikable, annoying, and a blight on Pony history. She lied, she abused her parents’ trust, took advantage of them during a vulnerable moment, tried to put herself in the spotlight when a small child was ill – which could have been serious – and when she finally confessed, she was not punished nor corrected by her parents. LYING ABOUT ILLNESS IS OKAY, KIDS! YOU GET ATTENTION! MAGAZINES! AND TO TAKE MEDICATION WHEN YOU DON’T NEED IT, MEANING IT MAY FAIL TO WORK PROPERLY WHEN YOU TRULY ARE ILL AND NEED MEDICATION!

Also I am going to complain that the animation is crap. Utter crap. This was 1992. We had Batman: The Animated Series, FernGully: The Last Rainforest, Marvel’s X-Men, Disney’s The Little Mermaid, and Rocko’s Modern Life. All prime examples of how far animation had come over the decades. Okay, X-Men is probably not a great example but my point remains. Great strides in the medium had been made! Yet here we are with cheap ass animated Ponies.

Dove, your thoughts?

[Dove: I wish I could bring something sensible to the table, but mostly I’m just pissed off that the baby pony is called Baby Pony.

Also, the family should have a kind of unity – it doesn’t have to be the same cutie marks, because it’s far from normal for a single family to have the same main hobby, but body or hair colour, or even names that sound similar.

And bat makes very valid points about the bizarre message of this episode, but mostly I’m stuck on, “Really? Of all the names in the MLP Lexicon, none were good enough, so you went with Baby Pony?”]

Well, would it even be an episode of Ponies if there wasn’t something one or both of us didn’t became utterly fixated on? I guess not. I hope you enjoyed my CAPSLOCK RAGING. I’m already infuriated and we’re just two episodes in. Ugh.

Until the next recap… which means me again, since I’m pulling a double header. Oh joy.

bat

Ponies. Vampires. Weird little films no one remembers. Much snark.

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